Children are able to express their anger
freely, but then they are told not to be naughty and they learn to suppress
their anger. Depending on how much their basic needs are not fulfilled
and then on how much their anger is suppressed because of this, anger
will accumulate and sooner or later come out, in an unproportionate way
often in form of violence against the surrounding or against themselves.
This goes together with the ability to express oneself. If this also is
suppressed then it might have out bursting results in extreme violence.
It is known that suppressing anger is causing
disease not only on the emotional and mental but also on the body
level. There are popular sayings like: "The gall bladder is overflowing"
when one is angry or "dip the pen in gall" to write bitterly. So it is
important for one's health to have the opportunity to express one's anger,
if not it might cause gall bladder stones.
Is there a creative solution if the possibility
to express oneself is blocked? There are ways to unblock whatever might
be the reason. First of all one should see that being blocked is not something
negative, although the symptoms are painful and are causing suffering.
The blockage has its good reason. It can be seen as a challenge, confronting
the problem will start a process which will further one's consciousness.
So how to start?
The shortest way is to observe carefully one's
own reactions. How does one respond to what comes towards one's awareness?
If one sees anger in an expression of somebody then this is often an interpretation
because one is projecting one's own unconscious anger into the other person
and then can blame this person for it. It is difficult to see this because
one's attitude is coming out of defense and the need to confirm one's position
and this is mostly totally unconscious. So probably there is no observation
possible. And it is not possible to understand the situation objectively.
Let me give an easy example:
Let's say I am blocked in my expression of anger
because I have adapted the image to have a loving attitude and to be always
friendly and in harmony. Now I read something where person A is expressing
one's view on a situation to person B and this view is not in favor of
person B, maybe pointing out that B is damaging himself because is pretending
something which is not true. Let's say B is suppressing his anger pretending
to be in harmony with every body. Then I will project myself into one or
both and my own image of love and harmony will be disturbed. I will give
my comment to A who is criticizing and tell him that he should not attack
B and see it in the light of love and leave B in peace, etc. My comment
will provoke a reaction in A and I might get back a response which I will
feel as an attack against my self image and gives me the opportunity to
react against A defending B even stronger. Then I will see A as 'bad' who
is insulting and attacking and this will confirm myself in my self image.
If I can now observe and be aware that I am using the situation to get
out some of my own anger by projecting my need into the other person, then
I might be able to see my own suppressed anger and also see the way how
I am protecting myself not to express it by having adapted this beautiful
image of love and harmony. - What a game! - The next step would be to accept
that in reality I am angry. Another step would be the question why there
is so much anger accumulated within me. And then it might happen that in
daily life situations some anger is showing up - and I am conscious about
it. It will not come out yet, because the self image of "Harmony &
Love" still is 'protecting' me, but if I am alert I will notice it even
with my protecting shield. But I will be able to observe more clearly and
will notice when I am projecting and using situations to react with my
wise advises out of harmony and love...
I think it is enough for now, but one thing more:
You might not see it but it is important to understand this if you want
to heal yourself. This might sound too complicate, but don't worry, just
try to take it as an information you will be able to use when it is the
right timing. Try to understand what is said, then you can forget it. You
can trust yourself or your 'inner self' that the information will be present
when you are ready to use it.