BeiYin: I had thought of
myself that I don't depend on people how I feel. I know that the unfriendly
behavior of people doesn't make me feel bad. I don't need to react if somebody
intentionally is trying to offend me, because I see that this has to do
with himself and not with me, he is just using me for his unconscious need.
So it is hardly possible to insult me. I know good enough how people are
and that it is better not to expect too much.
In general I feel good
with myself and even I am physically down for some health problem or because
I am exhausted, then still under laying of this, I feel good.
But now I made the experience,
that when I received the expression of a person, I felt specially good,
even better as I feel normally. So now I ask myself: Why do I feel so good
because of this? Why I am reacting like this? Obviously what I read from
this person confirms myself, the image I have of myself. That would mean
that there is a dependency. Or not?
Could it also mean that
something very essential, near to the source of my being, is touched and
because of this I feel so good? Probably - because what was expressed was
not personal at all. And itwas not possible to take it personal - no interpretation.
So there are two different
kinds of 'confirmation': One is feeding one's personality and the other
one's 'being' which goes beyond but still is reflected in one's personal
feelings and thoughts. The onekind creates dependencies and the need to
receive more and more and the other kind just allows to enjoy without any
dependency.
Of course it depends
where the experiencing person is situated and as we can see around the
field of 'spirituality', it is very easy to trick oneself and identify
with one's impersonal aspect of one's personality, which is nothing else
than a game with oneself and a sophisticated way to survive.
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