Aggression and Fibromyalgia BeiYin
BeiYin: It doesn't surprise me that in a Fibromyalgia news group there is a lot of aggression. The anger people are carrying with them, probably their whole life, has accumulated to such a degree that every opportunity is just right to let out as much as possible. For this serves best a newcomer who is not joining the common game of confirming each other. On him they can all through their dirt and mud and have a kind of fun. Does this give a release? Probably not, but it will make their feeling of togetherness stronger, as they have defended their opinions and images. It is not necessary to proof what is expressed in a post, it is enough to put it in a certain category, for example 'spam' and then all will join in condemning the intruder.
This is a tactic used from the early days of mankind, nothing has changed. There were always people eliminated, with reason or without. The 'bad' must be projected to the outside and then be destroyed. I am getting the impression that with the person who has Fibromyalgia this common habit has come to a point were the destructive energy has turned against the individual itself and is destroying from the inside. It is the rigid way to deal with one's own way to relate with reality, what means with daily life how it shows up and is not how one wants it. This accumulates frustration and then aggression.
So one of various reasons might be that Fibromyalgia is caused by this and the healing process might start just by questioning oneself and by observing these habits. For this we don't need to go to special places or deal with certain people. Just what shows up in our daily life will be enough - news group posts are not excluded.
Comment: I do not believe your theory here is accurate exclusively to FM.
BeiYin: You are right: It is meant more in general but it is valid also for people with FM.
Comment: Perhaps a general observation of Human's in general and certainly extended illness inclusive of high pain levels and little deep sleep is never conducive to a mindful calm.
BeiYin: The lack of energy, the high pain level, feeling left alone, not being understood by one's surrounding not even from people near to one, the total insecurity, not being supported by the medical system, the brain fog and loss of memory and all the other symptoms of FM are making an impact to the personality which is hard to manage for the suffering person. Where can some security and calmness come from? Surely only if one is capable to go beyond one's personality. At least this is my experience. Here I also sense the solution for one's healing, this seems the only way...
The frustration which accumulates even in the daily life of a 'healthy' person with the normal stress level often finds it's release through aggressive reactions and so even more in the life of a person with FM with a stress level which is unbearable. There is not always the opportunity to be able to react and so find a release. (People who are taking care of sick patient can tell about it...) So then no wonder that a news group might be an opportunity to do so. And it is easy: There are always spamer on whom one can jump and if there are no spamers then a newcomer who is not part of the 'family' can serve, especially if he posts something which doesn't fit into the common game modus. There is no need to proof or even to read a post, it is enough if one of the group through the first stone... And they will all join if the newcomer dares to point out this game! No, this is not special for people in this NG, this is a common behavior in nearly all NG and mailing lists.
I want to be part of a news group 'family', but I don't depend on them. I do not join the common game, not looking for confirmation or using others to get out some stuff from an unconscious background.
I can withdraw myself without problem if I am not wanted, but I would like to share something of my story and my healing process...
Your comment is the first one which responds to the context of my post, after all those mud which was send through the cyber space. I will go on posting and responding and together we might come to some insights which then might open the eyes of one or the other who are now just ...
Comment: Perhaps you are responding in a defense mode, yourself?
BeiYin: I can't see it now but I will check it. I have nothing to hide or to defend. I am expressing myself freely, what includes that I am spontaneous and so also sometimes not precise in my expression, apart of my handicap that my English is 'very poor and hard to understand' (Quote). But I secure you, that my expression comes from my heart and in so far is authentic. I do not pretend something, I don't want to manipulate anybody or any situation.
I try to respond as good as I can, what doesn't mean that I am right or my behavior is always correct.
Comment: I find people argue on many NG's (and IRL) - illnesses or not. For me something has gone amuck with my adrenaline (as with most systems in my body) and it is quick to increase and slow to decrease (This happened after FM started) also I do feel much frustration for the blame of my illness- I was taught to live (conform) a certain way and now I am suppose to still live within it but 'above' it? Huh?
Not such a simple juggling game.
BeiYin: Here we are coming to an essential point. I remember that I have been in a similar condition. What means: A stress situation caused by the expectation that one's reality should be in a certain way. To deal with it is not just a simple juggling game. Most of the expectations are unconscious and influence from the background of one's personality. What the unconscious program is shows up only when we are *reacting*, not only with words and emotions, but with all our existence - what means also one's body system reacts. It goes through all levels and depending how much and how rigid one is identified with one's images and expectations, the whole system is suffering and reacting. The caused stress is accumulated and the tension not only sucks quite a lot of energy from the system, but also is damaging the whole system up to the cell level. Pretty clear that the 'juggling' can't work on the long run.
Where is the solution? The long way is the suffering. Going into situations again and again, reacting, rejecting, defending oneself, escaping, pretending, etc. and going to the next situation probably repeating the same one tried to avoid before...
The short cut is to confront whatever shows up, dealing with it by relating to it, being aware of one's reactions and also relating to these. Then maybe also being aware about one's background, realizing what had caused the structure of one's background. Being aware of it one can make a decision, stay with it and keeping it or dropping it and letting it go. So freeing oneself of dependence and traps. With this also loosing up one's tensions, so calming down the stress situation...
Does this writing mean something to you? Does it tell something which lets you understand part of the confusion? Cleansing or clearing up seems to be the most important. On all levels. This is my intention, in this I want to give support.
Comment: I do feel much frustration for the blame of my illness -
BeiYin: There are two ways to deal with it. One is to create a philosophical concept or adapt oneself to an existing and then trying to live it - completing from outside to the inside. This will create frustration and suffering.
The other way is to go inside - questing oneself and finding there the trust that whatever happens is just the right thing for one's growing process. Whatever circumstances occur, these are just right to relate to them. With responsibility as good as one is capable. Then there will be no frustration and this is the basic field where true healing can start - which then includes the whole being and not just parts.
Comment: I have the impression that what what you are saying is that it's all in our heads and if we change our attitudes, as you did, we'd all make the same miraculous recovery?
BeiYin: The fact that a clear thinking is not possible with brain fog makes it difficult, but I will keep trying to explain. For sure I am NOT saying that all is in your head. Maybe this is what your doctor tells you, like I was told, and now you interpret it into every thing you hear.
The 'attitude' of a person is something which is not just located in one's head. It is the result of many influences a person has received during one's life. Yes, it is connected with one's brain, but also with one's emotions, it is even engraved in one's body posture up to one's cells.
Changing one's attitudes is not easy, because the behavior of a person is very near connected with one's personality and the personality don't want to change, it will do every thing to protect the momentary state, so there is no change wanted and even clear information are rejected.
What can make a change in this strong defense system? The confrontation with reality: with one's daily reality. If one is suffering then because of the discrepancy between one's wishful thinking and daily reality. The result is suffering.
It is not easy to accept one's reality if it is so different from one's self image and what shows up. And it is so difficult to accept one's suffering. But accepting what is there might be a first step in one's recovery...
If one has suffered enough then there might come the moment when one's defense is loosening up and then it might happen that questions appear, even with the danger that the answer can be uncomfortable. Who wants to be one's own 'troll'?
Recovery is not miraculous, it is the result of hard work: Going beyond one's rigid self protecting world view, leaving behind pseudo security and other substitutes. This is a long painful process, but - it is a healing process and probably the only possible to recover.
I can't explain it all, you need to search and discover yourself...
Comment: So what you are saying is that one needs counseling and you are offering this?
BeiYin: That's not what I am saying. You are looking through your professional counselor glasses and obviously there is no other view possible, so your interpretation is limited and narrow sighted.
Probably every body needs 'counseling' but not from a professional, but from daily life with all it's happenings what includes the people which show up. If we are aware enough and not just defending one's position, then each encounter will influence in a creative way and open up for insights. A news group could be a special place were this learning is easier because of the intention to find a solution for a common disease. The fact is that people feel highly insecure. No wonder: they feel left alone because med. doctors know very little about FM and can't really help. They seem even more stuck in their rigid materialistic world view than the suffering patients, who start to doubt authority...
I don't want to talk anymore with a med. doctor and a professional counselor seems to be not different.
Comment: I disagree that it is the question of personality type and think that it is more DNA and external toxins, injuries, etc.
BeiYin: I didn't write 'personality type' I just had said: *Personality*.
To give an simple example what I mean: If I am talking about a garden and I say: "The plants need water to be able to grow." Then it is not the question of what kind of water...
'Disease' for the personality is like water for plants. With the difference that plants have no resistance, they are not rejecting the water.
The nature of personality in general is to survive defending the momentary state of being - all means are right for this. What the individual's choice is, adapting oneself to different ways of defense depends indeed on the 'type' of personality. One might prefer to escape, to attack, to use tricks and manipulation, or one's charm, etc.
Disease has an impact to the whole system on all levels. With the result that there also reactions on all levels. The defense continues including manipulation in form of medication. But as we know: It doesn't cure and it helps only to reduce the reactions. The personality is suffering. Being left alone with it. Finding little support in one's experiences of desperation and pain. The impact to the personality is getting stronger and stronger as the disease is spreading out over the system. It seems the personality is deluding. An empty space is opening up: A frightening void...
Until the individual gives in, gives up and surrenders... Then there might come help. Not that it appears from the nowhere, - it has been there always, just the individual was not open for it. 'If there is no question, then there is no answer!' Now there might come up some questions and with this for sure the answers. If not then there is still the rigid attitude to defend the existing state. But if the individual is ready to let go the worn out self image and property of mind and emotions which does not serve anymore, then the truth about oneself and what goes on with oneself shines through.
It is extremely hard to deal with this new reality, because one is left alone in between the followers of the old social and cultural belief system. But at the same time dependencies are loosening up and a new freedom is felt. This gives energy in a way how it was never felt before. One is able to do steps which were unthinkable until now. Indeed one has entered one's 'healing process'! And with this the disease is diminishing because the base has changed...
Comment: I don't believe that it has anything to do with 'personality'. If all of us where to get together IRL then we would find out that there where many different personality types and
BeiYin: What comes to you, what happens to you is the consequence of your existence. It is the feedback your 'personality' receives because you are acting and reacting as an alive being. You are not a victim - you are causing it. You are trapped in it because you are unconscious about it and turning around yourself, looking for faults mainly in the outside, projecting and fighting against your projection. Being involved in a common game and with this finding self confirmation and satisfaction. Or you are suffering because there comes the moment, when things are not going the way you want it. You can go on and on, fighting and struggling.
The reality and you are like two stones in a mill and there is no doubt about it that you will get worn out after enough time has passed. Your strong personality, in spite of your perfectly build up defense, will be reduced. If this doesn't happen through being beaten up from daily life then through a disease, a personal loss, a bankrupt, etc. It should be clear by now that it is NOT the personality type or the background, but just the personality in it's existence. Which anyway is an illusion and nothing else than a conglomerate of images, concepts, believes, identifications, projections, wishes, mind and emotional properties and other crystallized downloads...
Comment: So are you saying that my personality is the reason why I have fibro?
BeiYin: Yes, exactly. The 'personality' is the primary reason. This goes for many diseases but it seems true especially for FM. People - because they ARE their 'personality'(what means they are totally identified with it) - are looking for and so finding the reason in the
'Personality' is a conglomerate build from one's self image, expectations, concepts, hopes, wishes, longings, one's history from education, property of thoughts and feeling, etc.
It is the most natural that the personality like all systems wants to survive and so it is holding oneself together with all 'property' and is defending it against all influences which don't confirm oneself. If a person is not questing oneself, even when suffering and has build up a strong defense system, which becomes more and more rigid, then this is using up a lot of energy which sooner or later will manifest not only on an emotional level but also on the body level up to cell level.
The need to hold oneself together against anything which might reduce one's personality is causing a lot of stress. If a person has to be alert all the time and on top of this is suffering from serious pain and lack of energy, then the defense system is easily over reacting.
What includes not listening and not wanting to understand. Then every thing is just too much.
I went through all this and I know how one feels. Then there might come the moment when one just want to die and this might be the important step to go beyond one's personality... Often then comes help from 'outside' and if the person can drop one's defense for a moment,
then there might come in some 'light in the darkness' and with this a new sight...
Comment: Because I like people, I am over protective.
BeiYin: You are over protective because you have taken this role, which gives you satisfaction from those people who admire you and follow you so they don't need to take responsibility for themselves.
Comment: I'm sure that many here (in this NG) can stick up for themselves, however I
am fully aware that there are also others in somewhat fragile circumstances and that to me, you are preaching something which is a load of rubbish and perhaps even harmful because of the desperation Fibromyalgia brings to one's life.
BeiYin: The fragile circumstances are not the reason why people don't take responsibility for themselves and are not able to make decisions to change something in their behavior, lifestyle and attitudes. The circumstances are a challenge to confront reality and that includes themselves. Giving people protection by convincing them with your believes means holding them in dependency.
Comment: You don't know me, you don't know my beliefs or you would know that I am a
very open minded and enquiring person.
BeiYin: You are talking about your beliefs the whole time and in all posts, that tells what kind of wonderful open minded person you are, or belief you are. This your sentence gave me a good laugh, such I haven't had for a long time.
Comment: I haven't kill filed you because I've been waiting for you to say something to back up your beliefs, since you are so adamant that what you believe in works, which you haven't.
BeiYin: When I write it is not about my 'beliefs', it is not a concept or a theory. What I am writing comes out of my experience. It is trying to make you understand my way to walk the road of life. It is NOT a specific road which has to be taken. It is obvious that your mind functions differently and probably there is no manner to make you understand. But I can say that as a result of the way I am walking came the healing of my Fibromyalgia. This is not a belief, this is a fact. Probably it is not possible for you to believe this and you will look for reasons to undermine what I say or using other blackmails to demonstrate that it is not possible to believe me. I am not going to fight against this manipulations, which seems to be a common way to get rid of influences which are not welcome. I am getting tired of this, but I will stay as long there is a chance that one or the other of the lurker might get something beneficial out of my writing.
Comment: I am a trained counselor and 10 years working as one, I think that I know myself pretty well and if there where any major flaws in my personality that where contributing to my illness, then I'm absolutely sure that I would have noticed by now! I'm not perfect but I want to know what it is in a persons personality that causes FM according to you?
BeiYin: Yes I understand that you are a 'professional counselor'. Under daily circumstances I wouldn't talk with you. When I am responding to your comments then because that people with Fibromyalgia who are sick enough and tired of being sick, may find a way out of their suffering. I don't mind when you see me as and call me a 'troll'. Your belief that if you put a label on someone and insult strong enough that in this way you can chase away the unwanted voice, then you are wrong.
I also feel responsible for people and so I will not hide myself and express myself freely to every body who is willing to step out of the established limitations which until now might have been a protection but are worn out by now.
Comment: It sounds to me that this "personality" that you talk about is the unconscious mind and personality, that which we do not preserve on a conscious level?
BeiYin: Yes, this is part of the 'personality' - the unconscious part and then there is the half conscious part and the conscious part. There is the identification with all what one has gathered on all levels and sees it as one's 'property' - naturally defending this with all means against intruders.
The tendency of the personality system to defend oneself is half conscious or unconscious, the same with the need to be confirmed in one's existence or all the other needs being part of the survival need.
The self image of a personality adapts itself to circumstances and includes all attitudes to be able to survive. As the image grows more complex supported by the property of one's mind, gathered from one's own experience and those of many others, the defense becomes so strong and sophisticated, that nothing can really touch it.
But then there sneaks a new disease into the system: Fibromyalgia - slowly but effective breaking down the personality defenses...
BeiYin: The healing process is like a puzzle with many pieces which must come together. One's attitude is one piece and this appears by itself in the moment when other pieces were coming together. Of course the attitude is changing within a process which is a healing or growing process. So the change is appearing by itself, without effort as coming out of the growing. Like a blossom is opening to a flower, this must not be 'done'.
It is hard to stay positive when this attitude comes out of a concept and is not grown out of a healing and growing process.
A 'professional' is so full of concepts that he/she has little chances to get out of it and even a disease like Fibromyalgia is not enough to break down self defenses of such a strong personality.
That a qualification doesn't mean much except it gives a paper which is documenting that in a square head there were put a lot of square information which gives enough concepts and the believe to know more than those people who are suffering and are feeling desperate, coming to the counselor out of helplessness, so that they can be counseled to make one's living out of this. In fact this is the established game in this society. It doesn't work, there is no healing, but at least it gives a certain frame in which people find some security. People with Fibromyalgia hardly can find some of this security, this becomes obvious when treated by med. doctors. Can this system offer a solution? Yes, all are waiting for an effective vaccination or a new pill. Oh gosh!
Comment: Do you think that you found the perfect way to change our attitude, and thus our FMS, why can't you just change our attitude, via the news group and heal us all, with or without our cooperation?
BeiYin: I haven't said anything like this I don't pretend that I found a way to change people's attitude. If you read carefully what I have written until now in this NG, then you will understand why this is not possible. Never I said that I can heal. I am offering a key that you can heal yourself, but it is nothing else than a key. You are the one who has to use it and it needs your decision and your full cooperation that you can use the key to open yourself. (In the first place to yourself and then maybe also to influences coming from the outside). You are the one who has to change your attitude, this is one aspect of the key and with this you can open the door or the window so that light may come in. Not only light but also fresh air, which will help your breathing and will give you new energy...
Comment: Then can you explain why and how children cannot be healed, many of which have very happy and positive outlooks on life!!!
BeiYin: Who says that children can not be healed? What is the disease? And what is the cause of this disease? Of course parents are involved in the healing as they are probably also responsible for the cause that their children are sick. Feeding them junk food, allowing that they watch too many hours TV, living in a toxic environment, etc.
If a child is sugar addicted - which one is not? - and then becomes sick, to be healed it will need a change in it's lifestyle and it will be also necessary a change in it's attitude, so it needs to participate in the healing process by getting rid of the addiction, understanding the reason why it became ill and what it needs to be healed. If the child only gets medication for one's disease it will develop more symptoms and be a normal member of our society, becoming sicker and sicker and taking more and more medication...
I repeat: 'Healing' doesn't mean to get rid of the symptoms. Disease is the reaction of the system which is out of balance and tries to find it back. Seeing disease as something negative and feeling as a victim, not asking oneself for the cause, doesn't allow to work in a creative way on one's healing. The 'attitude' is an essential basic step to enter a healing process...
Comment: Are you basing your theories on what you read on these ngs? If so, you do not know what goes on in people's real life.
BeiYin: What I am writing about is coming out of my experience during my life together with more than forty five years of meditation and trying to gain self knowledge. I do know what goes on in daily life because I am living it and I went through Fibromyalgia for several years, there is no theory about it. Yes, I have gathered some information on my Web site, but I have tried to avoid any theories, so most of it can be used by anybody and without side effects and mostly without high cost. But it needs self responsibility and at least a rest of energy to make a step towards the self healing and the step to get out of old tracks of thinking... For sure I'm not going to push anybody - it's up to you.
Comment: You are speaking only of yourself and your own experiences.
BeiYin: Yes, that's what I do in the first place. It's a testimonial about my healing process. This I am trying to share. But apart of it I am describing a lot of different treatments which I tried and found helpfully in my healing. Those treatments are not coming out of my experience originally but I am telling about it and my experience with it. So it is up to you if you check it or not. If you have adapted the opinion from somewhere that something is not good then you will not try it and so maybe missing help in your healing. If I tell you about my experience that not eating a certain thing helps me and makes me feel better, then you might say: 'Yes, but I like it...' And then this might be because you are addicted, so probably you will reject my advice and continuing to eat unhealthy. This is a simple example.
Comment: Each of us has their own experiences as well.
BeiYin: For sure and I can imagine that we can have an exchange about it, not just for confirming each other, but looking critical and using the view of others to proof one's objectivity.
Comment: What works for you does not necessarily work for everybody else.
BeiYin: You are totally right. What doesn't exclude that one is open for information and is using one's capability to check what is offered and described.
Comment: Everybody is different and their bodies respond differently to stimulus,
medications, environment and the list is endless.
BeiYin: Yes, everybody is different in one's programming in one's personal structure, but not so much, because we are programmed through the same culture, the same images and goals in this society, etc. Many parts are very similar if not the same and with our body it's not different, who reacts similar to different influences, depending on the constitution and health situation. A healthy immune system will react similar to a healthy system of another person to the same influence, but will react differently if damaged.
Comment: If meditation makes you healthy and whole, it may not necessarily work for "everybody" else.
BeiYin: Meditation is NOT a cure for Fibromyalgia or other diseases, but it can prepare and maintain the base to enter into a healing process. I am convinced that meditation works for everybody, but of course it has to be practiced, at least twice a day for twenty minutes. And if somebody has a certain resentment against meditation, will not do it, so it will not work.
Comment: It is a good thought and practice but there are not absolutes in this world the paths we are on in our lives. We are all guided by different means, our own faith, our belief systems, our families of origin... again the list is endless.
BeiYin: You are running against open doors! What you say is pretty clear and I haven't written anything differently or against it.
We are not only guided but we are also limited by the same means, which doesn't allow to be open. We chose influences which confirms us and we reject every thing else. First comes the tendency to save and protect the existing, there is no real openness, this is only part of the beautiful self image people hold.
Comment: You are only speaking of one small practice in the whole entire scheme of things in one's life. Your thoughts, be it good, are not all encompassing.... the complexities of healing are much more complicated that one can even imagine.
BeiYin: I am aware that with my intention I can't cover the entire scheme, but I am trying at least to tell about this part which had helped me to get back my health. As you can see from the reactions in this news group how difficult it is even to start about it. There are about 200 posts meanwhile, but hardly anybody comes up with a creative question. Nearly all are defending their view and opinion.
This NG is a good learning place to see how people are stuck in their condition - which in part is the cause of their disease...
Comment: Thus far, there is no absolute cure for FMS and other diseases.
BeiYin: You are right in the sense that there is no cure if the full engagement of the sick person isn't included. More important than to stick on the statement 'there is no cure' is the fact that self healing indeed is possible, although extremely difficult, because this is a totally new land. I am asking you to share my experience so that we might discover it together...
Comment: We can do things to lesson our symptoms but healing is not option at this point. We can go into remissions but we are never "healed".
BeiYin: This is your personal experience and the adapted opinion of other people. If you hold on with this view, then you close yourself for any information which might proof it differently. Then there is nothing else to say.
My personal experience is differently and I want to tell about it so that people suffering from Fibromyalgia at least can have a choice. They can stay with their experience and reject every thing else or they can check the given information and start to bring it into practice.
Our goal in life - as I see it - is to grow towards a goal we don't know yet. But we can trust that our life is a progressive growing process, which includes all happening within and around us. Having this trust we can see things differently, attitudes are changing. Disease is part of a healing process and not something negative we must fight. Embrace your disease and become fried with it...
Can you open yourself for this view? Then you will not feel as a victim anymore... and it will allow you to search for new ways, beside the established thinking - to heal yourself.
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