Recovered from Fibromyalgia!
                     testimonial about my personal healing process BeiYin
Utopia in Action

What is Fibromyalgia?

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Before you start to read the following pages I want to let you know that I am totally recovered from Fibromyalgia. I am sure about this because my well being lasts now for more than a year and my energy is pretty stable and there are no more Fibromyalgia symptoms, even though I got a 'follow up disease': an inguinal hernia, but with this I am dealing at the moment and I am pretty sure that I will also with this heal myself, not needing any surgery. So I encourage you to read all about the process I went through. I wrote the following pages during the time when I had Fibromyalgia. It was not easy for me due to my lack of energy, but I felt that it would be important to keep track of the healing process, so that other sufferer would be animated to do something for themselves to be healed. So please go on... Although in case you are looking for a quick cure, then you don't need to continue reading. If you want to be healed, then be aware that this will be hard work. You are not just eliminating symptoms but you will transform your whole being: on all levels, so with this you also will be healed on all levels. The well being of your body will be just the tip of the iceberg...

Since many years I am convinced that 'healing' in general and specially healing of a disease is a process of one's individual existence. With this attitude 'disease' turns out to be something positive and the position of a victim changes into being responsible and motivated in one's health. Indeed a growing process  which includes all levels. Probably there doesn't exist any disease which only effects one isolated part of the system. 
So when there are showing up symptoms on the physical level then there might be also an imbalance of the mental and/or emotional level and probably there is a 'push' towards a transformational change and this might be the most significant. So the conclusion seems logical that 'healing' must include all. Although this is obvious, daily practice in dealing with disease is not following this knowledge. Treatments are commonly directed to eliminate symptoms and patients don't ask and don't want to be involved in their own recovery. It seems we still have the attitude from people of the middle age, where sickness was seen as something bad or as a punishment for having done something evil. Or the attitude was, and probably still is, that disease is the result of a bad influence from outside. So what patients ask for is just to eliminate the symptom, to be 'healthy' again and of course without doing anything for it by themselves. People are convinced that this is the job of the healer, doctor or the medicine. Professionals are authorities and seen as obliged to repair what is not working well... Self responsibility seems to be mostly unknown and unwanted. And as there are pills for every thing, (except against ignorance! - Gegen Dummheit helfen keine Pillen!) there for instant healing can be expected. If there is the need to fight symptoms, then science will investigate and find something efficient which solves the problem, and science is financed by the pharmaceutics industry... It becomes clearer every day that this way of dealing with conflicts and problems is not creative, because it doesn't change anything about the cause. This shows up everywhere whenever there is a conflict: In politics with countries, in companies, in communities, in families, in couples and in individuals. It is the same all over: Seldom there is a search for the reason by looking into one's own system and rarely there is discovered the real cause. Mostly the 'bad' part will be cut out or eliminated, believing that then the problem is solved, but the cause stays untouched and will sooner or later trigger more problems and probably more and more serious ones. The attitude to eliminate a conflict by treating the effected part or cutting it out, is so common that hardly anybody is questioning it. But the authority of doctors is fading away when we have to go through personal experiences and must see that those specialists in treating symptoms are more and more helpless, although covering this up with their authotarian attitude...
Since more than three years I have health problems which in the beginning just were reducing my energy and so my activity but with ongoing time in a significant degree. After an accident the severe pain continued and spread out all over my body. I consulted several doctors and healers, each of them gave a different diagnosis. The symptoms were: Pain everywhere, changing place and intensity from one day to the other, in muscles, joints, nerves, teeth, ears, eyes, head, heart, in nearly all organs. Then also muscle cramps, dizziness, extreme tiredness, also having bad sleep, lack of motivation, etc. I went through various treatments of different kind but without permanent betterment. It became clear to me that medicine and even alternative medicine knows little about the real reasons of disease, they mainly treat symptoms. Complaining about it when visiting a medical doctor, I was told that there can't be done anything, even questioning my mental health by telling me that my desease exist only in my head - offering me painkiller and telling me that I would have to live with it! This can only say somebody who is not suffering from permanent pain like this! I am lucky enough that I don't have deep depressions like other people have with the same disease, due to my daily meditation practice since many years. But now I can understand why people take suicide... Suffering to such an extreme and over a long period of time and without hope for a change, being left totally alone with it, this probably is impossible to take if there is no sense in the happening because there  is no understanding. A deep depression is inevitable when nothing makes sense and from nowhere help is available... I was lucky not to fall into such attitude, I always had felt that help would come in the right moment and this indeed happened:
One day I watched TV and there was a MD speaking about a strange disease named 'Fibromyalgia' which lately is spreading out more and more. When he was describing the symptoms I was stunned because he was talking about all what was happening to me, although he couldn't give any explanation of the cause or give an advice for a treatment. But now at least I was knowing that I was not alone with my problem and I could investigate about it. 
I am convinced that behind every happening and every problem there is a sense, although mostly hidden. We have to search for a solution and answer and of course also do something about one's situation. This is a challenge. So I started to investigate and collected a lot of information about and around the subject 'healing'. During this process there were showing up many different labels for diseases with similar symptoms: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Gulf War syndrome, Candida, Listeriosis and quite a few more. Treatments from traditional medicine were not offered except pain killer and other chemical remedies. 
Meanwhile I was exhausted. My energy went down more and more. Maybe I wouldn't have investigated with the same persistence if my horse wouldn't have had the same symptoms. The vets I consulted just said that my horse has arthritis and being that old the best would be to sacrifice him. I am older than my horse... and the doctors I had consulted for myself were not of more help with the difference that they were giving scientific names to symptoms, treating then into the blue. I didn't want to kill my horse at least having tried the best first to heal him. He is my best friend and companion during more than twenty fife years. And I denied to give up just because he is 'useless' now because of his sickness and causing problems. 
So I was motivated to find out about it. During my investigation I got to know about ozone therapy, which convinced me as a treatment. My horse got worse and also myself and I urgently had to do something about it. I found a doctor who had an ozone generator in his practice he was using little and he was willing to treat me. After a week of ozone treatment (daily 250ccm/52ug/cc of Ozone gas/rectal insufflation), I was feeling much better and convinced the doctor to let me fill up a plastic bag every day with 500 ccm of ozone gas for my horse (500ccm/90ug/cc) which I gave to my horse then daily for two weeks. Although the ozone was losing more than half of it's quality, because of the long way home, the result was surprising and because I wanted to continue with the treatment as soon as possible for myself and for my horse so I bought a second hand ozone generator, which I found through an auction in the Internet. After I had to wait for the shipment more than a month I started the treatments on my horse and also on myself. 
I am a naive 'hobby-myself-healer' and know little about scientific backgrounds of disease, but as far as my limited knowledge goes after several years of suffering and searching, now I am pretty sure that viruses, bacterial or fungus infections play an important part in my disease, the Fibromyalgia, but I have still quite some investigation to do about it...

Before Fibromyalgia was known, the doctors had told me that my sickness was Arthritis or Osteriosis or Rheuma or just stress and now the few med. doctors who received the information they label it with the important sounding name 'Fibromyalgia', what is nothing else than a name for a syndrome of symptoms of what they don't know the cause. Many of the doctors still stick their head into the sand and say that Fibromyalgia doesn't exist or they say that it is just 'mental', not to admit their helplessness and ignorance . - Until they might get it themselves, what I don't wish to anybody -. But if I talk again with a medical doctor, then only with one who has Fibromyalgia himself! 
What became clear to me is, that all those symptoms, called: Cancer, Aids, Rheuma, Arthritis, MS, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Cardiac Infarct, Asthma, Allergies, etc. etc. are treated without knowing the real cause. So even the cause might be a virus infection, then I believe this is still not the cause, because there is a reason in the first place why the viruses, which are present everywhere and atacking all the time, can infect the system.

It became obvious to me, that the treatment must start on, or at least include, the cell level and not just by manipulation of symptoms with chemicals or cutting out the sick part. There is not much known yet about alternative treatments like ozone, laser, magnets, sound, color, etc. probably because there are no big money interests connected with it like with pharmaceutics, so there isn't much propaganda done about it. But even the alternative treatments are mainly used to treat symptoms, so there seems not to be much difference except that there might not be side effects. Who is treating the cause? Who knows about it? 
Who is even asking about the cause? It looks to me that people's behavior is still the same as in the beginning of humanity when to something unknown there was given a name of a god and then people were praying and offering some sacrifice to the unknown, making it to something known by adding attitudes out of one's own fantasies. Keeping it well disposed through one's sacrifice, but in fact keeping oneself with this manipulation in a safe place out of the reach of fear from the unknown. Has there anything changed? I don't think so: Rarely somebody is looking for the cause of what happens outside - within oneself. This is an attitude which is widely unknown. People still are giving names to the unknown, without questioning it further. Then leaving everything else to the authority of the sacrificing priest: the medical doctor.

Here at my Web site I will describe all treatments I am trying on myself and my horse. This might be a long process... Of course I can't and don't want to give any advice for treatments. I only can talk about my personal experiences and offer a selection of information. Then everybody has to make one's own decision out of one's own responsibility. If somebody wants to participate in the investigation or share one's experience or give advice from a professional view point or just from personal experiences, then this will be very welcomed and appreciated. This Web site should be a project, which is supported by people who are motivated to do something to find a creative solution for their suffering and the suffering of many other people who don't have the strength left or the opportunity to search for themselves. For comments use the email.
Remark: I read somewhere that aprox. 3% of the world population are suffering from Fibromyalgia, that would mean about 150 million people! This desease is known since more than twenty years and still it is widely unknown by our medical system, quite estonishing indeed! This Webside was visited during the last three years by more than one million people, probably those who were looking for a cure, but were disappointed when they didn't find a miracle cure and were ask to do something by themselves like taking responsibility and initiative. - In all this time there was not even one response in the sense of wanting to participate in a project and not one comment by a health professional. Not even one told me about one's investigation and shared one's experience... 

I am waiting now for nutritional supplements like MSM and Chondroitin and also for a new massager. I think a Ozone Sauna also should be included in the treatment, although this is not possible for my horse. I believe to release muscle pain with the heat in combination with ozone will for sure help. First with the most obvious and painful symptoms and then maybe also with the cause behind. 
For my horse I go on with the treatment and for myself as well with 'rectal insufflation' with ozone and I am trying other ways like limb bagging or using ozonated water and olive oil. Some doctors claim that intravenous application is more efficient, but I want to be independent from doctors so I prefer the ozone treatments I can do on myself. (Apart of the fact that with the money for three series of treatments one can buy a ozone generator which serves perfectly for one's home use.) 
One thing is becoming clear to me: 'Healing' doesn't mean to get rid of symptoms. Taking pain killer will give release, but will suppress the possibility to discover the real cause for one's disease, apart of the negative side effects, which will drive one on the long run into a negative vortex, with the final result of total numbness and destruction. 
Being sick means that the system is out of balance and this shows up through pain or mall function of organs. On the body level and also on the emotional level. Pain in the 'feeling body' can be more easy suppressed and we are all used to it and experts in a lot of tricks to escape from suffering... What we maybe not realize is that suppressed emotional pain accumulates and then effects all other levels, showing up as a physical disease. Or if a physical disease is suppressed then a mental or emotional disease might develop. On the other hand a physical sickness specially over a long time will cause changes in one's emotions and also one's thinking. One's personality is changing. Now I am suffering since more than three years from Fibromyalgia. I can testify, that suffering over that long time from permanent pain all over the body, has a strong influence on my feelings and my mind. Often I am near to tears and my brain seems not to function well, although I have no depressions due to the many years of meditation I am practicing daily, but my mood often is going down pretty much and not only this, the changes are going much deeper and are provoking a shift of all established values. 

Bearing the pain also consumes a lot of energy and no wonder that I am always extremely tired and exhausted and when I force myself because things need to be done, then I am coming near to a collapse. What makes it even more difficult is that nobody in one's surrounding can see how heavy things are and that even insignificant requirements becoming too much. Even sound or light! Not to be understood in one's suffering is probably the most difficult. For sure this is the same with someone who is depressed and suffering just on the emotional level. I am lucky that my pain is yet limited mostly to my body, so I am not totally absorbed and there is still some energy and awareness left. And also I can call myself lucky because there are a few people around me who do their best to help me. I agree this is a challenge and not an easy one. 
I haven't given up yet, I am motivated to go on and to investigate about diseases and their background etc., to find out about the real cause. I want to understand what it is all about. I don't care if the doctors don't know, this doesn't inhibit me, from there I don't expect creative answers anymore. But I am sure that there are answers. At least this is my life long experience: If there is a question, then the answer will show up, sooner or later.

I was told that about 20% of all patients going to a doctor are suffering from symptoms of Fibromyalgia. So what can be done about it? Who is investigating about it? Medicine will probably need some decades more before Fibromyalgia is known and shows up in their dictionaries. When talking with MDs it seems that meanwhile I know more about Fibromyalgia than doctors. - At least I don't say that Fibromyalgia doesn't exist! 
Can we use the Internet that people suffering from Fibromyalgia might come together to unite their energy to do something? Or are we just a herd of blind mice? Depending on some industry who might finally see a new market and so investigate, to launch a new chemical treatment or vaccination for the many millions of people with Fibromyalgia. I believe that there are sources which doesn't depend on narrow minded science and money making industry.

There are one hundred or two hundred million people out there who are suffering from the same symptoms of Fibromyalgia and probably they all hear the same from their medical doctors: 'This comes from stress' or 'you need some vitamins' or 'you have to live with it'...
Sick people go from one doctor and from one healer to the other, expecting to be healed. There might be some release from pain, but it comes back and with time passing by, the desperation and tiredness is growing. (And the damage to the body is growing because nothing has changed about the cause!)
Isn't it obvious that there must be another solution? We can't expect to be healed by just letting do a manipulation whatever kind on us to take away the symptoms. 
The cause of a disease is not just an influence from a certain point, it is probably the accumulation of several minor influences. Looking back at my life I can say that I lived very healthy compared to how people normally live. I started to be vegetarian when I was eighteen, never smoked and never took any kind of drugs. 
Even though in the healthiest food there are toxins and of course it is not possible to avoid what we breath in, the toxins from the cloths we are wearing, the plastics we are touching, etc. So in several decades there might have accumulated a lot of toxins . 
I am convinced that what triggered my disease are the unseen influences I wasn't able to avoid or at least these are having an important part in it. So in consequence it becomes clearer and clearer, that the most important at this moment is a complete cleansing of the system. I have done a two week fasting now with a colons cleansing and I felt pretty good after this, but now the pain and tiredness is back. I will start now a thirty days juice fasting and will do during this time a liver and kidney cleansing. I am still investigating about the how... (Meanwhile I did also a three months candida diet...) 
At the moment I can't do more than just writing down what I find out in my investigation, hoping that out there are like minded searcher who might participate... Although I am trying not to depend on any kind of personal help. I can see that it will need a long time to come to a concrete result, because there are too many information to be selected and there is so much junk and spam out there...

I am lacking energy and being alone I probably are not able to go ahead in an efficient way, but I will do my best, because I want to be healed and also knowing that this maybe will help a lot of suffering people... 
What makes it so difficult, is the lack of energy and that I'm feeling pretty much lost. The constant pain I can bear somehow, but not being understood in my intention makes that my motivation is slowly fading away. So again I have to pull myself with my own queue out of the mud of desperation... (I can't help it: This is how I feel although there are people around me helping as good as they can. But this is my process and my feelings are real even they seem not to be justified!) 
I just received a copy from a friend of an "Open Letter From Dr. Richard Schulze on Healing and Responsibility". This writing feels totally right to me and it shows that not all MD are the same, there are a very few... I will investigate about it. 
It is commonly known that bacteria and viruses exist and that they attack us and cause infections. We know that there are good and bad bacteria. Viruses seem all to be bad. What Bacteriophagen are is not well known and what Mycoplasmen are is widely unknown. But I think it is important to know about it, at least to have an idea, so that maybe we can understand that there is a cause behind all those appearing symptoms which is invisible for us because we need to think in another dimension. Maybe that's what we need to discover... 
A visitor of my Web site send me a link about biotoxins which opens a new aspect to Fibromyalgia and might help to demystify it. I am investigating about it... My first impression is that this is the Web site of Dr. Moneymaker who is treating in the traditional way using the need of people... clever done without giving real information on this site... 
Since a few days I'm feeling again very bad after I thought the worst has passed. I am taking MSM, Glucosamine and Chondroitin sulfate since two months and also my horse and there is no doubt that it helps. I am very strict with my alimentation and I am using various massagers on muscles and my joints. I nearly was without pain but now I'm back to all from before although it is less. It might be that this is a 'healing reaction' because the system is cleaning up itself and toxins are moved... 
Not one of the many medical doctors or healers I had consulted in the past had made a test or had investigated about the possibility that my system is invaded by Candida. When I searched the Internet I came to a Candida test. I went through this and it showed an extreme high possibility that I am effected by Candida. 140 points would mean that I am probably infected and I had 286 points. So since two days I am following a special diet to eliminate the Candida. And I started again with the ozone treatment and the colon cleansing. So now all my energy goes into taking care of myself and my horse and there is hardly energy left to write or to search and to select the abundance of information. I read the testimonial of a person who went through the same like me. During the last few days again I'm feeling pretty bad and my mood also goes down, but now after reading this testimonial I can more clear see that I am on the right path and not alone with it. This came in the right moment and gives me some energy to go on... 
With the various treatments I am doing I feel much better and have less pain, although I still have this permanent tiredness and when I force myself to do what needs to be done then I am easily falling into total exhaustion. I started a new series of Ozone treatment, also with my horse, but after a few days I had to stop because of strong pain in my belly. But I'm convinced of the benefit of the Ozone and so I was looking for another way. The 'Ozone sauna' seems to be an alternative solution. But a sauna with steam generator costs between 500 and 2.500 US$ and this not everybody can effort. So I decided to build one myself. This is possible because I have the ozone generator as the most essential part. I built the sauna within two days and this evening I had my first Ozone sauna. I must say that I am feeling very good now after the sauna and I will repeat it at least every second day. In my 'Sauna logbook' I will describe how I build my sauna... 
I am now since 5 weeks with a special Candida diet. I feel good about it although hating not being allowed to eat fruits! I lost about two kg of weight. Just these ugly kilos around the hips. Great, now my pants fit more comfortable! 
I was kicked out of a Fibromyalgia mailing list and now I have no contact at all with somebody with Fibromyalgia. Anyway, - I have not enough energy for email exchanges or to go through the hundreds of social messages in the fibro news group. I have not even enough energy to write to the few people who responded in a positive way to my posts in the mailing list. I have some ideas what to do next, but I have even difficulties to write about it. To realize something concrete needs more strength than I have available. With this easily falling back into a negative passive mood. I can't and I don't want to fight anymore, I did it all my life long. I went through many phases of fighting and letting go. This is different and goes beyond what ever has happened until now. But for sure I don't want to waste my left energy to argue with people who defend their position holding on to the traditional health system and depending on authorities...

Half a year later: I have recovered a good part of my energy and now I am convinced that healing from Fibromyalgia is possible. (And probably it is the same with many other diseases...) It is a slow process and it needs one's full attention and all of one's capability to respond to this challenge. There is a transformation involved which includes all levels and part of it is that old dependencies must be left behind. And so it is not surprising that I am still alone in my intention and I don't care that nobody is responding to my Web site or to what I am writing in mailing lists. I know that I found something which gives light on my walk... I feel like the runner with a torch: He is just running holding up the fire he carries, ready to give it to the next runner, - until then he is just running. Maybe he can give some fire to somebody who ask him but then he will go on.

During the last few weeks it became clear to me that this disease has to do with a cause which lays beyond not only the physical, mental and emotional, but also beyond the so called 'spiritual'. Or better said the cause is where the 'spiritual' starts. In other words: This disease is pushing one into transformation. I am convinced: Only through transformation real healing can happen. And it is clear without doubt that this process has to be done individually. What means that one is engaged in it personally with one's own responsibility and this also makes it that one is pretty alone with it... 
Transformation means to enter into a process which includes the whole existence of one's individual being. All levels and all systems which belong to the individual: Body, mental and emotions. Each of these systems needs to be transformed. Suppressing the body symptoms and calming down the mental and emotional reactions with 'medicine' is ignoring any growing or transforming process.

Does a patient who is in treatment by a medical doctor is using one's mental capacity or is there space to express one's feelings, not to mention any spiritual aspect...? Obviously not, our established social and medical system doesn't allow to go beyond frames of attitudes, but probably to be healed, one has to go beyond... - leaving all (pseudo) security and authority behind. 
  next: "What I have done"

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