epilog

E p i l o g BeiYin (written 2005)

Since a few weeks I am convinced that I have recovered from Fibromyalgia!
    Because now I am nearly pain free and feel good. I stopped all treatments I have done on myself for about one and a half year like ozone sauna, ozone insufflation, massage, food supplements and all kind of cleansing. I even stopped meditation, (NOT mediCation - which I never took of any kind!) - instead of meditation that I have been practicing since many years, I am now doing 'Sun gazing' for about 25 minutes every morning, for me this is a kind of meditation. This I am doing since five months and probably with this my healing process turned into recovery together with all the other treatments and - last not least - together with the changes of my habits and my attitude on various fields in my life.
    Since about three weeks I am working all day long and this is specially tough because of the summer heat. I am getting up at 6.00 o'clock in the morning and start working in the forest cutting trees and branches to prevent the high fire risk. The forest fire we had two years ago and the stress caused by it was probably the main cause why the symptoms of Fibromyalgia had gotten much worse... Working with a motor saw is hard work and I am sweating like hell, maybe even more than in a sauna. Of course I am getting very tired and need to relax in between, my day finishes at about 12.00 o'clock in the night but the next day I'm recovered and with good energy. Sometimes I get up at 3.00 o'clock in the morning to write something - like now. I can hardly believe it myself! So I can understand that you might say: This guy never had Fibromyalgia! But indeed I had, even though I still don't understand fully what Fibromyalgia really is. I just know that I have passed an essential step in my personal 'growing process', although the outside situation I am living in hasn't changed at all. There are still the same problems and difficulties - mainly because of too much work in connection with the stress caused by personal problems people are bringing with them when coming here, but obviously something significant in my attitude has changed, not so much visible, but probably in an essential way. This of course has also an outside effect, for example I have dropped much of my Internet activities, I am not writing anymore in news groups or mailing lists. I haven't even written any poetry the last half a year. Writing this 'epilog' is the first after a long time. Yes, there are some changes in my behavior with people and also how I relate to what comes to me, this will manifest during the next time and probably there will be changes in my living situation... Many things have lost their importance for me and other might have gotten a new more essential aspect...
   I will go on with some of the treatments for example with the ozone sauna at least once a week and I am still carefully with my alimentation... I will do some fasting from time to time. And for sure I will continue with meditation and sungazing.
    What I want to express is that recovery from Fibromyalgia is possible, in spite of what the doctors had told me before. Although the healing has to happen in such a wholesome way that it makes it extremely difficult for most people. There are about 3.000 visitors at my Web site daily and it is astonishing how few people are ready and willing to do the effort and engagement to enter into a healing process! There is no openness for something which goes beyond the tracks of traditional medical thinking. The majority still wants to be healed instantly and is disappointed if this is not possible. The only people are willing to do is to swallow pills or let some treatments be done on them, - traditional or alternative - it doesn't really matter. Obviously it is first necessary to understand that disease is not something bad which is caused by outside influences and that a person is not just a victim of unlucky conditions or happenings. A sick person has to get out of the role of a victim of circumstances which can't be changed. There must be a profound change in one's attitude and behavior to enter a healing process! Obviously our society and with this the established medical system is not able for this and an average person can't do it out of one's own personal intention, although the suffering from one's disease is strong and gives enough motivation...
    You must not be surprised that I am not selling anything on my Web site or somewhere else, because a new attitude towards money is an essential part of the healing process...
    I need to mention that I can't give any medical advice of any kind. I don't even know if the treatments I have done on myself are advisable from a medical viewpoint. Even I had ask for it, there was not one comment from a medical doctor. So if you do something which is described at my testimonial, then I must tell you that you are doing it out of your own responsibility. I only can say that after one and a half year of treating myself I am recovered. It was quite an engagement and effort, but it was worth the fight. If my Web site helps other people to get free of dependency of old thinking pattern and start to take the reins of their healing in their own hands, then this would be worth the effort of my engagement.

Half a year later: I was recovered, but when my horse died four months ago, after I had done everything I could to heal him, then this was such a shock for me that part of the old symptoms came back. This was showing how much the emotions are involved in one's healing and also in one's disease. A few days before my horse died I had received a message with the information that horses also can have Fibromyalgia and there was suggested EFT to heal him. I searched for it and found only very vague information how to do it. They all wanted to sell their videos with exact instructions. But there was no time left, my horse was worse every day. To order a Video from the US needed too long. So I searched intense until I had enough information. The same night at 3 o'clock in the morning I started the treatment with EFT, it felt good, but in the afternoon my horse died. I continued the whole day with the treatment and at least it helped him to leave his body without the help of the vet. I continued with EFT after this until today, now for four months. I have done it together with the sungazing and I can say that it helped me to overcome the emotional shock and now I am well. At the moment I am doing a fast and I finished now one month. I will do ten days more because I am feeling good and think this will clear up the last bit of whatever was accumulated. I lost only about four kilos and this was fat and vast, so I can let it go easily. Then when finished the fast I will start to do more exercises to build up my body which has lost strength the last few years. I have learned to take care of myself and I spend more time on this then ever before. I have dropped nearly all activities on the Internet: I left all news groups and mailing lists. When I wrote there it was just provoking resistance and defense reactions. It might be it is how I express myself, but at the moment I don't see a possibility to find a way which will not cause defense reactions...

Update: When I started to work again, feeling totally recovered and wanting to use my new energy, then I didn't realize that my body, during the last two years of not doing any exercise, had weakened. The work I am doing is pretty tough and when I lifted something heavy then something got hurt. I had strong pain and went to a med. doctor. I was told that I had an 'inguinal Hernia' and that this must be operated as soon as possible, if not then the intestines might be squeezed and within fife hours I could be dead. Now as I have learned to be critical what doctors are telling me, I investigated the Internet about 'Hernia', but couldn't find any better information. It's all about surgery, not one word about the cause or an alternative treatment! I am not in any health insurance and they ask me for 6.000€, (meanwhile I found out that this costs double if one is older than fifty!) for a surgery which doesn't take more than twenty minutes... I do not agree and I don't want any surgery. Even it is easily done, but there might be some side effects and also it might be necessary to repeat the surgery after some time, because the cause is not cured. (Friends visited and told me that they had a lot of problems because of side effects, now they need a third hernia surgery, which they don't want because they are tired of it...)
I will investigate more about it and find a treatment which I will do on myself. I will report about it... Meanwhile I have made a Hernia Web page with the treatment I'm doing...

Update: It is becoming more and more clear that whatever difficulty is showing up in my life, is a challenge and a step in my growing process. I have written many times about it and how important it is to relate and respond to what ever shows up. One has to take self responsibility, etc. etc. But this goes much further and I was just going to write something about it, when the following writing came to me that says it well and clear, I don't need to express it, so I will quote it here:

Receiving What You Need from Others
In every interaction with others each person receives exactly what they need from the other. Whether these interactions are loving or full of fear, make you feel good or bad, you each receive what you need from someone else. And they receive what they need from you. As everything in your life is part of your lesson here, every person in your life has something to teach you and you to teach them, no matter how brief the encounter. If you believe that only the
situations that have a positive, loving outcome are valuable and worthy of your time, you may be missing some of your most important learning experiences.
It is not the easy experiences that provide you with the most learning, but the most difficult. These are the ones where you must look for the lessons, to see past your own fears and indeed, to understand how this person can awaken such fear in you. These lessons provide you with a mirror of the darkest aspects of your human experience, of your need for healing. You can be grateful to those who provide you with these experiences for they are giving you a wonderful gift.
Those who you feel have the most to learn can often show you where your lessons are too. There are no accidents, nothing that occurs without a healing purpose. You can find the lessons in every situation when you remember that the purpose of your journey is healing and reconnection, nothing more. Each of you is a mirror for everyone, just as they are a mirror for you. When you do not like what you see, remember that you are looking in a mirror.
Once you acknowledge that you have received what you need from someone, the dynamics of the relationship can change or it can end. There is no need to allow difficult relationships to continue and they do because neither person can learn what they need and allow the dynamics to change. Conflict on all levels of human experience can end when each person can receive what they need from someone and then let them go. This week, consider a difficult relationship that
you are experiencing. What do you need from that person and what do
they need from you? Is it understanding, forgiveness, acknowledgment of fear, unconditional love, changing beliefs? Once you acknowledge what you need from that situation and accept it, you can let it go and each move forward on your path.
My remark: I don't know who wrote this. Reading it now, it seems to me not clear enough and for many people not understandable. I will write more about it and then add it here...

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