Transformation isn't easy? 

Quote BeiYin: "Most visitors are travelers and leave after some time. Those who were staying longer went through a 'growing process' but after some time it turned out often that they were stuck in their structure and not able to go further and beyond their personality".
Quote: "How about you? And your personality? Have you continuously gone on? Sounds to me like you had been stuck for a long time with continuing your creation.[FalconBlanco] What I'm getting at is that transformation is not easy!"
'Have I been stuck during my life time?' I reflected about this question and must say that I never felt stuck, or better said: Now, after observing the world around me, I know what it means to be stuck and also knowing that who IS stuck doesn't realize it being stuck, so now I can say that I never have been stuck. Looking back I see that about every seven years there have been a change in my life, outside where I was living and the circumstances and also inside in my attitude and knowledge toward life. Continuing with my intention to establish this 'IC' I can say that also with this there have been profound changes about every seven years. The last change started about one years ago when I stated that this is not a 'community' anymore, just a private place with invited friends. This happened when one of the long term members claimed ownership for a part of the property. I expressed clearly that 'owner' is who takes care of the place. I personally don't feel like the 'owner' but as the care taker. But this happening showed me the expectation connected with the image 'community' and so I dropped this image, although people are still clinging on it. Not giving any image or concept irritates people and if there is no 'leader' and no given spiritual concept then people can't strive for a goal and surviving such a situation they find other ways to fill their appearing void within themselves. Not having beautiful ideas to be identified with and not finding enough confirmation doesn't give sense and the feeling 'to be alive' and then they pull the emergency brakes: For example getting angry and demonstrating resistance or going into a power and manipulation game. Or manipulating themselves wanting to take over and becoming the leader and feeling enlightened and finally healed! This is not the first time that this happened during the last thirty years...
Actually I don't know what will happen. I am not holding any community concept or a working plan. I am responding to the daily needs as good as I can and I am prepared to do it all alone, as I did the first few years when I started. It is not possible to leave the place for some time and travel, as it was suggested, what indeed I would like to do, but there are animals and plants to be taken care of, apart of the fact that if one leaves a place alone then when one comes back there might be only the walls left, every thing else is gone. This happens all around with peoples houses, when they only stay for a few summer months. So I can't leave, but I don't worry about it. Like always there will come a solution. I'm open to what comes and to go into an other transformation! If one doesn't resist, then indeed it is easy...
BeiYin
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