pain from daily stress? BeiYin
If one puts a raw
egg in one's pocket and goes on doing and moving things, then one has to
be very carefully not to break the egg. Going on like this for some time
one get used to it and then moves around pretty aware. When one takes out
the egg from one's pocket, then one can move like before without the need
to be carefully. But what happens, - maybe you have made this experience
-, that then one still moves in the same way as if one has the raw egg
carrying in the pocket. Being aware of this and knowing that there is no
need for it, one can drop this habit even though it has become unconscious.
OK, this is an example
to understand how the need to behave in a certain way is creating a habit
which then probably becomes in parts unconscious.
helps me to deal with my experience I had lately: Since nearly one year
I needed to relate to the behavior of a person who was living at FalconBlanco.
This person was provoking in an unbearable manner looking for attention
and wanting to show herself as being superior, trying to force me into
a conversation and then, being very clever in this, demonstrating that
she knows every thing and every thing better. This put me into the situation
that I had to avoid any confrontation, what of course did not make it better,
in contrary. Whatever I did or said, nothing was good at all and I turned
into the bad guy and all was my fault. In the last time before the departure
of this person, it happened to such an extreme, that I had to refuse any
communication to be able to protect myself.
Well, I am used to
this kind of behavior from people since more than thirty years, but not
so long with one person, as most visitors stay only a few weeks or months.
They all bring their behavior, - the result of their life experiences -,
with them. This has grown into an unconscious habit which moves people,
not feeling happy with what they are and they want to be healed from it.
So they are looking for opportunities and then they are provoking and trying
to get a response from people and life which comforts them. This is a common
game which keeps people busy and when they find the right play mate with
a need which is complementary to their own, then this might go on for a
long time and will satisfy both. But nothing is changing in their unconscious
background structure and then comes the moment when the situation breaks
up, because there might come a change in the life situation or something
else. Then the drama unfolds with all fights and frustration...
If one is not conscious
about one's behavior coming out of reactions caused by partly traumatic
experiences, then there is no way to deal with this person in a creative
way and it seems that to avoid useless confrontations, the only way is
not to go into such a relation ship. That means to avoid any confrontation.
But living with people
together at one place, so having to do something together on a daily base,
creates a form of stress, coming out of the need to behave in an alert
way. The emotional stress might not be much, but is accumulating over longer
time. The system tries to balance the stress, but when it gets too much
then there are showing up physical symptoms like stomach pain.
The interesting thing
is, - and here the example with the egg helped me to understand the situation,
- that I got stomach pain after this person had left. So there was not
coming any more stress from this side, but my defense position was established
and when there was more stress happening from too much work, then it added
to the still present accumulated stress and then my stomach was hurting.
Normally someone would
go to the MD and get some pills, but it should be clear that this is no
healing... So it is necessary to look for the reason of my stomach pain,
so that's what I am doing now and as the situation clears up, there is
release and the stress fades away and with this also my stomach pain.
...living with people together at one
place, so having to do something together on a daily base, creates a form
of stress, coming out of the need to behave in an alert way.
Isn't there a way to avoid the stress which comes out of the need to relate
to people and then not being able to have a real communication with them
because they are not enough open because they are occupied with their limiting
structure, being programed from their past (traumatic or not) experiences?
What about 'love' as an alternative behavior to deal with people?
Yes, there is a way to deal with
people without getting into stress and that is NOT to take the behavior
and reactions of people personally and instead of this to understand them,
that means to be aware of the reason why they behave and react like they
do. Not to take things personally is only possible when ones own unconscious
background is cleared up. But that's not the state of evolution of mankind
who is deeply involved in all kind of confirmation games. So taking other
peoples response personally is part of ones learning process or better
said 'growing process', because 'learning' is widely understood as learning
to defend oneself better, what's also called 'survival'. The consequence
is that the advice to take behavior and reactions from people not personally
is useless and people can't do it, just because they need the response
from others to respond themselves: for their own process and to feel alive
by being confirmed in their existence. So better let them take things personally,
until they become aware that this might not be all...
The stress causing
'alertness' occurs when there are too many unknown factors, - and this
is probably connected with 'fear', and fear for sure is causing stress.
Apart of this humans are too complex and it is hardly possible to see a
person to be able to know his/her possible next move and reactions when
one tries to relate and response. When one is able to trust oneself, then
the 'alertness' will be reduced, but still there must be enough 'awareness'
not to run into trouble. And if it happens and unexpected things occur,
then one can trust that this is the right thing to be forced to have a
critical look at oneself...
Often it is said that
people should try to understand each other better. That for sure would
help to create more awareness and peace, but this is not part of our daily
reality. As long people don't understand themselves, they will not even
try to understand the other. With this coming to the suggested 'love' as
an alternative behavior. This indeed is a topic which deserves an extra