Alex: I want to tell you, and even more, beg you to
not give up hopes. Don't
give up hope. But again, if you don't give up hope just because I tell
then its not so much better because you might have false hope.
BeiYin: So, - what is 'hope'? What is 'false
hope'? Isn't any kind of hope false hope? Or better said: Doesn't any hope
turns out to be false? Isn't hope always connected and bound to wishes
and personal needs? So hope is the expectation that something we desire
and imagine will be fulfilled? This might be completed and then we find
out that there are many other open desires. And so we never can be really
satisfied? Is this a way to survive to go from one hope to the next, clinging
to it like onto the straw which keeps us from being drowned into nothingness...
Betsy: It appears that a hope for something
better than what is one's current position is a motivation to go forward.
This seems to be an element of growth then which would continue to create
painful conditions, which then would not allow one to drown into nothingness.
Can one then really give up all hope if one is in this physical world?
BeiYin: From where comes the thought that
something is better than your current position?...
Betsy: I meant 'better' in that it seems
an improvement over the current situation. I have hope that humanity can
change when I look at the current situation and also on a personal level
it is recognizing some of my own habits and wanting to change them, and
lastly there is a feeling of being alone. I see that all of these
arise from my own personal structure and the 'better' viewpoint is subjective.
Clearly, I make the 'call' and create the thought.
BeiYin: ...Indeed, the hope might give
you the motivation to go forward, with the side effect that your view is
directed towards your goal, excluding from your awareness what is not within
this frame of desire. So probably you will not be able
to accept or being aware of or being able to
enjoy what lays beside your intention to reach. ...
Betsy: Yes, I see the problem of tunnel
vision due to holding a goal or hope in 'mind'. I am reminded of a phrase
that 'acceptance' is the answer to all of my problems.
BeiYin: ...Is it really that 'going forward'
means necessarily 'growing'? ...
Betsy: No, it can just be endless substitution
or of one goal for another, which keeps one stuck in a circle of not enjoying
what is here now. That I can see. But without a goal or motivation to change
something, thereby allowing a new decision, is there growth?
BeiYin: ...It is not possible to give
up one's hope, because hope is connected with one's personality. But there
might come the moment when hope just falls apart, because the individual
comes to the total acceptance of one's condition...
Betsy: The total acceptance of one's condition
being that of acknowledging one's personal structure or one's working field?
Moving on from there, of a position of non-hope to one of making new decisions?
BeiYin: ...Checking my situation, I can
say that I have no hope, - no expectation. Being disappointed for that
Disappointment coming out of not fulfilled hope,
again and again, that finally reality is unveiling itself. Then hope can't
Betsy: Then what are you saying? Is this
a new position at least in the last year or so?
BeiYin: This seems not to be clear: Coming
to the position of not having any hope left is NOT a negative situation.
Being aware of reality is also NOT negative. ...
Betsy: I saw both as positive situations.
My question was if this was a new position for you of late, given the long
string of disappointments. You do say 'finally'... But if you are responding
more to the thread level of my last post, then the 'not clear' part makes
BeiYin: ...A person with hope is not interested
to recognize reality because this would undermine the hope, which is the
wish that expectations build up by one's wishes will be fulfilled. ...
Betsy: This is so clear. I need only review
a specific hope that is repetitive and I can clearly see how 'maintaining'
it gives me an alternate view of reality. I wish/ want the hope so bad
that I don't see what is really around. Clearly a state of denial
and also a waste of time. I can see where the hope resides (in my personal
wishes) and clearly these are due to my structure built from my past experiences.
I also see that holding a hope is a means not to take action with what
is here now.
So yes, looking at reality would undermine the
hopes and wishes and essentially invalidate them. I suspect that to do
this, it would require that one can be content with what presents on a
moment to moment basis.
I have been contemplating the difference between
hope and trust. Hope (as a guiding factor) is something that I conjure
or imagine with my thoughts, something that I would prefer than my current
situation. Hope is "a personally constructed reaction", and thus unlikely
to meet the condition of reality that I'm confronted with on a daily basis.
This clinging to the hope obviously causes suffering because it is not
manifest. I can see that Trust is a different type of guidance that can
come when one lets go of all hopes. Coming to this point, then can allow
me to relate to what is here now - the presenting reality. This relating
can guide one in a growing fashion similar to walking into another dimension.
BeiYin: ...I can give an example: Why
people feel that when they come to the place FalconBlanco, that the description
on our Web site doesn't correspond with reality? The description is pretty
complete and shows not just the beautiful idea but also the difficulties.
Probably people read in a way that they pick up just that what they like
to sort into their wishful images, which confirms their picture of themselves.
Then when they arrive at FalconBlanco, things seem to be different. Then
people are reacting out of frustration and looking for outside reasons,
although having gotten the information in advance that this is part of
the process. ...
Betsy: This seems to be the normal way
of all people, that we filter all information that comes to us with our
personal values having to do with our 'best way' that we see or imagine
ourselves to be.
BeiYin: ...On the other hand: Why is the
information people give about themselves so different from what shows up
when they are here at FalconBlanco? A very simple example: In our 'info-form'
we ask the question what people would like to work when they come. When
they wrote: 'Anything what is necessary', then this turns out quite often
not to correspond with their reality, which is in extreme cases that they
don't like to work at all. ...
Betsy: This brings up the question of
why people lie about things? I remember from job interviews, lying and
telling the interviewers 'what I thought they wanted to hear'. I
knew this was lying and I was doing it to 'land the job.' Eventually I
came to the point of refusing to interview because if I didn't lie I wouldn't
get the job. So I suspect, it is the same with people coming to FalconBlanco.
BeiYin: So why are people lying and pretending?
Obviously to get what they want...
Betsy: I agree, and in terms of living
in community it appears that there are quite a lot of different wants
perhaps as varied as the number of individuals.
BeiYin: ...It is a question of survival
for them. But why they are lying to themselves? Or is it not a lie to recognize
only what they want to see and then when the reality turns out to make
others responsible? Is this all part of the survival game?
Betsy: I am getting more leery of the
people who appear so worldly. In that some of these seem to have found
community hopping as a way in and of itself to survive. So this appears
to be a game for them. It appears there are two types of liars, the first
is consciously lying and the second is not aware that they are lying. The
majority of people fit in the second category, what I don't understand
is the first type. But I can see that it is what they have adopted as a
survival means to avoid looking at themselves, it is their main-line of
BeiYin: ...We are trying to protect ourselves
from such people, but this seems to be very difficult. Can anybody give
an advice how we can protect our project and prevent that people show up
who are just looking for their own advantage. Is there any way to avoid
that people show up with whatever expectation and then leave after a few
days? This all brings a lot of disturbance into the process of building
up a creative group energy. Indeed it sucks and it turns out that often
being with people needs more energy than doing all the outside work alone.
What of course makes no sense if one wants to be with people, wanting to
form an 'intentional community'.
It is pretty clear that forming part of FalconBlanco
needs motivation, dedication and commitment. But how can a person have
this coming with one's own expectation and not even being able to understand
what goes on here?
There is a lot of information offered...
I was interrupted in my writing by a girl who
wanted to say good bey because she was leaving after about a week. She
wanted to stay for a couple of months, but decided differently because
I turned out not to be that friendly as she had imagined from our email
What can I say to this? There are about a dozen
people around who are asking for attention. There was a forest fire a few
weeks ago and we are not yet finish with cleaning. It is still pretty chaotic.
There is pressure from the authorities. The work is tough and sometimes
there is tension. I expressed very clear, that somebody who wants something
from me must ask for it. This person wanted to be initiated into meditation,
but never ask me to do it. I never say no if somebody wants to talk with
me, but I'm not running after people who are in need.
It is also a question of survival for the project
'FalconBlanco'. It might not be enough to be motivated to work because
of some convincing reasons presented by some charming people or a charismatic
leader, the motivation must come out of the individual because it is there
anyway and doesn't depend on certain circumstances and the behavior of
Betsy: This makes me sad. Is this the
only way to let go of all hope?
Is the end of all hope a good thing, is it a
condition of reality?
BeiYin: It seems that suffering on the
way to freedom is part of the process. As we know that suffering happens
because our conditioned system reacts to reality, so knowing this we are
capable to quest our reaction and look behind, discovering that we are
causing our own suffering...
Betsy: If the suffering is due to a conditioned
response to that of reality, then how is it that we cause our own suffering?
By not taking the step to quest our reaction and look behind it?
BeiYin: ...Becoming aware of the causing
condition, we might be able to leave this behind. We don't need any effort,
it is not an act of dropping something, it drops by itself, like an empty
Betsy: The 'causing condition' then is
our personal conditioned response, which is one of defense or survival?
our capability is that of being able to quest the conditioned response
and then make an active decision to respond differently given our review
of our reaction. This new response allowing change of the personal conditioned
structure over time, affecting future responses.
BeiYin: ...There is another way to survive:
Finding 'trust' within oneself. A new kind of security which doesn't depend
on one's personal images. Having the trust that whatever happens is part
of a growing process, which most of the time goes beyond one's understanding.
Only sometimes we might get a flash of a limited part, which then makes
sense to us. But obviously there is another 'sense' which can't be classified
and placed into the proper order of our personal box system. We will not
be able to come to this deeper understanding as long as we cling on hopes
and personal desires. We can't just give up this. We can't give up ourselves.
We ARE these hopes and images. The only way might be, to accept this fact
and deal with it.
Betsy: Accepting that we are these hopes
and images then is acknowledging the personal structure from whence these
images arise. Okay, so then seeing that we have these, but not clinging
on them, looking for when they occur and responding beyond those desires
or with another viewpoint.
BeiYin: We do cling on them, that's why
we are reacting. We can't respond beyond our desires, because that's what
we are and we can't have another viewpoint. We are only able to accept
our limitation and the fact that we are trapped. That will give thepossibility
in its moment, to be aware of our own reaction.
Betsy: Clinging to the personalities structure
is the same as reacting, or acting in a defensive way to protect those
properties. We can't respond beyond our structure, or 'who we are right
now'? Our viewpoint is our structure as of now. We are limited by the physical
form and structure and this is what traps us. Seeing this is freedom?
BeiYin: ...The first step will be to understand
the nature of what we think and feel we are. Not the usual way to get confirmation
but to quest whatever shows up.
Betsy: What is the nature of what we think
and feel we are? Just a collection of past images grown over time? ...
BeiYin: They nature of our feelings and
thoughts is that we are reacting and these are the visible signs of this,
responding to impulses without being aware of this. Indeed on the background
of our past, which has structured the reflector of our personality.
Betsy: In meditation I look for the root
of the reacting thoughts and feelings to certain sensed data, and I can't
see where it starts.
Betsy: ...Knowing what the main images
are then allows us to not respond in a way that confirms and/or strengthens
those images, in this way allowing a questing of that which came before
and a subsequent new response.
BeiYin: Knowing one's structure might
allow that we don't react in the same spontaneously way as before. But
we will still react and so the questing might need to continue, but not
of that what came before but of what is there.
Betsy: I don't see that there is a possibility
of not reacting or an end of the questing. Always to me it seems to be
review of the past, but what you seem to imply is a nowness that is not
like a review allowing a different way to respond.
BeiYin: ...That includes the next step:
Being more and more aware...
Betsy: It is simply a growing process
due to our relating to what presents to us?
BeiYin: The growing process includes the
whole and this is much more than we can be aware of.
Betsy: Okay, but what does this have to
do with the individual's next step?
BeiYin: There is not much to do about
it, - It happens. We relate to the many puzzles which appear in daily life.
We don't need to understand the sense of each puzzle, we only need to respond
to it in the best way we can, going on and on. Then it will happen that
we suddenly see how it connects and that there is sense... beyond our limited
Betsy: I'm still waiting. I still
don't feel I see *mostly* beyond my personal viewpoint, or that I have
felt anything sudden happen.
BeiYin: 'Waiting' means that you are hoping
that something you expect will happen... You can't see beyond your personal
viewpoint because you are a person.
Betsy: Seems to be a difference between
we and I here. I can see the problem with my expectation, yet I find it
hard to give it up.