BeiYin: It is said from official
and half official sides that there is no cure for Fibromyalgia. - -
I have some thoughts about this: Not knowing the cause, we might think
that it is not just one influence which triggers the symptoms which then
are labeled as 'Fibromyalgia'. (Thirty years ago when I had similar symptoms
then they were called 'arthritis'.)
It is possible that an accumulation of various influences after some
time or even a very long time causes a damage in the body system. Probably
the first initial reason lays on the most basic level: the cells (or even
before?). Toxins, radiation and other factors are finally causing that
the immune system gets weak or disturbed and can't defend the system properly
against viruses, bacteria, bacteriophages, mycoplasmas, candidiacy, etc.
producing then part of the symptoms. The body system tries to defend itself
also on other levels and produces reactions, so more symptoms showing up.
These could be seen as 'healing reactions', but they are only understood
on the symptom level as negative and treated with antibiotics, etc.
As the system gets more out of balance then other symptoms appear all
over in organs, muscles, bones, skin, etc., or reactions like allergies
appear. Year after year the symptoms were treated with allopathic or alternative
medicine, starting already in early age with the common children sicknesses,
which for sure are part of the growing process and might have an important
purpose in building up and strengthening the immune system.
Then all kinds of infections and other reactions are showing up in
daily life. From a hick up, headache, constipation to all kinds of pain
and infections. There is always a fast medication at hand. But did we ever
ask for the cause of our troubles? Did the doctors investigate about it?
Did any medical doctor ask ever about our eating habits? Or all the other
habits or influences in our life which are important for our well being?
One thing seems to be pretty clear, that if we want to find the cause
for appearing symptoms, then we need to look much more ahead and beyond
then just in front of our nose. We need to quest every thing. The cause
of fibromyalgia, arthritis, cancer, aids and many diseases is probably
much more complex and subtle than we can imagine. The cause for sure
not only lays on the body level, it might be influenced by our attitude,
our way how we express ourselves, the way we defend ourselves or in how
far we are open and receptive to influences, etc. It might be that each
of us represents a power center from which we cause our vulnerability to
influences, because we are too limited and need to be provoked to be able
to overcome our rigid limitations.
To be healed we need to look at all of this. What makes it so difficult
is the fact that one is practically alone with one's search in this culture
and society. There is very little support for anything which is not part
of the established system. Yes, maybe there are people who take care of
us, but they can't understand that with this disease there is also a change
happening which includes our personality. We are not the same as we were
before and as they knew us. Somehow we feel totally alone and insecure.
We have probably lost our esteem, the ideas we had motivating us to go
ahead, the sense of our life has changed, the values have changed. What
seemed to be so important before is now fading away, there is less energy
left. We still want to do something, but then there is this fog in our
heads and then we can't do what we would like. That doesn't make it better.
We are caught in a vicious circle. Because of lack of energy we are not
doing what might help us to get better or just what might make us feel
better, so then feeling worse, etc.
Writing this down, I remember a story from Münchhausen I read
fifty years ago:
Baron Münchhausen was dangerously going down deep in the mud and
then being really desperate because he was going to die, so he pulled himself
out by his own hair (queue) and he did it even riding his horse! Is this
what we need to do now? This is a challenge which goes far beyond the usual
personality games in one's daily life. These diseases humanity is suffering
from might be a chance to do a step into new fields of awareness. Forcing
oneself into taking responsibility for oneself, stepping out of dependency
and identification with worn out roles. These diseases might be a necessary
step within one's growing process which can't be gained without it's special
condition of being lost in an unknown field.
BeiYin: Coming to a certain step
in life, it seems inevitable that one quest oneself and with this everything
else. It is probably also a question of survival, but for sure not just
on the body level.
Comment: The solution might be
found soon in gene technology. Genes will be altered or destroyed even
before all the damage starts. There is research in MS which might produce
the answers in gene technology. This will allow to heal Fibromyalgia and
probably most of diseases.
BeiYin: The answer is given since
long ago but obviously humanity is not ready to realize this, making decisions
and putting it into practice in daily life in one's personal responses...
Now the big thing is the 'gene technology' and science is manipulating
on this new field whatever they can. There is no doubt that this will bring
us new kinds of disasters...
Comment:
A positive attitude for sure is important, but carrying the weight of unrelenting
pain for too long of a time, the goal of healing oneself seems unreachable.
Then I wonder if seeking one day of no pain is unrealistic at this point
in my life.
BeiYin: I can ensure you that I
can relate to this because I went through it long enough. To be free of
pain becomes the most important but it is the 'underlying attitude' which
will make the difference. If the suffering moves us to quest oneself, pushing
oneself to ask some questions, then this attitude must continue even there
is less pain. What we can observe is that when people have less pain then
they are content and do nothing else than depending on their doctor and
the prescription... I never took pain killer (don't tell me that then I
had never real pain!) even when the dentist pulled a nerve, I refused any
anesthesia. For years I had pain in muscles, bones, organs, etc. But I
was convinced that pain is a symptom and taking it away with some chemicals
will not do any thing good on the cause. So I was pushed to search for
the reason of my pain and tiredness, what indeed was extremely difficult
because of the pain and tiredness. But then after trying quite a number
of medical doctors and healers without any permanent healing result, I
treated myself and finally got better and better. Very slowly but lately
it shows up clearly. Just the fact that I am able to write this comment
in one go is a proof, three months before this wouldn't have been possible.
So it gives me enough energy to go on in my search. But it is very slow
and I was seeking other people with the same intention, trying to find
these people in news groups and mailing lists. But until now this was not
possible, maybe now creating my own space, there might come a few people
together who are interested to pull on
the same rope. We will see...
Comment: I don't find it easy to envision
a bright future of hope when this present state of devastation weighs me
down so much.
BeiYin: Better to give up this
kind of hope and try to deal with just this very moment. Try to save as
much energy as possible not wasting it on nonsense and the little energy
you have use it in a creative way for the most important. Try to relax.
That was the trick: When the dentist asked me how I can take this pain
when he pulled out the nerve, I told him that I just observe and relax,
and when I get tense because of the pain then I relax...
Comment: I get angry when I know
there are medications that could be tried to relieve the pain of FM, but
doctors refuse to give them. The doctors are the ones with the wrong attitude,
not us the sufferers.
BeiYin: It is a good sign that
you get angry, that shows that you still have some energy left. But better
to use it for yourself and not against someone or something. That the doctors
attitude must change is to ask far too much. It is a very general state
of ignorance and has to do with our common consciousness or better said
numbness.
Comment: For me the most important
question is: "If we aren't the ones that educate the masses to relieve
the ignorance of the disease of FM, who will? Is there anyone who will
speak up for us or listen to us?"
BeiYin: If we don't do the attempt
to be aware of our own ignorance, nobody will do it for us, nobody will
speak for us and nobody will listen. We will have to listen to ourselves.
As long as we depend on some authorities, no matter if they are parents,
teachers, doctors, scientists, or whatever, then indeed we are *lost*.
So the first step might be that we find ourselves and then come together
to do something about the facts of FMS. Then we might be able to support
each other in finding ourselves and with this also finding ways to heal
ourselves. Right?
Comment: Lost in a dessert...
))) love (((
BeiYin: Yes, *love* is the key,
although this key hangs out on a limb pretty high...
Comment: It looks like your wisdom came from the result of your
suffering. What you express may be true, but people today are not interested
in introspection, and willing to question themselves or entertain these
zen-like concepts. Our culture today doesn't instill the value of self-responsibility
in people.
BeiYin: Yes, this is a reality: There are very few who are not
caught in the trap of the materialistic worldview, which is common for
the majority of earthlings. Nearly every problem that we have todays comes
from this limited and indeed primitive survival behavior. This is a very
complex subject, but it is necessary and worthwhile to go into it, to be
able to understand human behavior and to descover ways out of the personal
cul-de-sac...
Comment: People with Fibromyalgia are different, because they
have gone through a lot of physical, emotional and spiritual suffering.
Having an invisible disease such as these, we suffer even more when we
also face rejection by many, including family, doctors and even friends.
BeiYin: Being different would mean that one has gone through
a growing process and has come to a different way to respond to one's daily
reality. Maybe still suffering from physical pain and tiredness, but being
able to go beyond dependencies and reactions coming out of this.
Comment: We are angry because we know we are sick, but everywhere
we turn towards, there is no relief and also hardly any support, as many
don't even think we are really sick. There is hardly anyone who understands
how we feel, unless they have the disease themselves. Then to add insult
to injury, many hurt us, albeit unintentionally. These additional factors
add to our wounds and make it even more difficult to heal because of the
heavy emotional weight. Our tiredness becomes all consuming and we don't
want to acknowledge our pain, we only want it to go away...
BeiYin: The anger comes because we are NOT accepting our reality.
Because we can't see yet that there is nothing 'wrong'. Anger is a reaction
which appears because we want it differently. Reality and our image how
we wish it to be doesn't fit. We are fighting and we feel impotent to complete
our image. We are unhappy, feeling desperate and helpless. This will not
change as long we cling on our old (worn out) viewpoint. We still don't
understand that there is nothing 'wrong' physically. Our system is trying
to heal itself and so there are reactions. We never understood this and
all our life those reactions were seen as something 'wrong' and were pushed
away with so called 'medicine'. Never there appeared the question for the
real cause of symptoms, it was enough to get rid of them. And we didn't
know that we inhibbited with this the self healing process. Our system
never had a real chance to heal itself, it was always disturbed by manipulation
with chemicals and others.
Comment: ...We want back that which we don't have right now:
'our health'; which everyone has always told us all our lives is our most
important asset.
BeiYin: The most essential is that WE ARE ALIVE. What you 'want
back' is an image. You are saying it: 'What you have been told'. Indeed,
what needs to be overcome is the measurement of values in our society.
Yes, these values give a kind of security and people are clinging on it
and defending it with all means. The problems start when one is growing
out of it and this pseudo security fades away. There seems to be no other
way then to leave the old worn out behind to enter into new fields of experience...
Comment: Accepting that our pain & suffering can be a creative
challenge to move beyond ourselves is not possible because our culture
has not taught us that these spiritual things may have value. If you can't
hold it in your hand, American's don't value it, but maybe that has changed
a little after September 11th?
BeiYin: It is difficult to accept something painful if the sense
is not understood. If the goal is a 'happy life' then every thing which
doesn't fit into this image can't be accepted and is of no value. This
is for every body worldwide the same. A special happening, catastrophical
or not doesn't change anything. 'Spirituality' is not a certain behavior,
it is the result of a specific step in an individual growing process, from
this transformation also a new behavior appears because the whole personality
is involved, but for sure nothing will change just by a 'spiritual behavior'
which is nothing else than a fashion coming and going.
Comment: I am so tired of being sick and tired, that often I just
want to leave this world. Sometimes I can look outside my self-misery and
be able to appreciate what there is good, but then I feel bad about it,
because I'm usually complaining. Just expressing this, I feel like crying
and this will cause my nose to stuff up, and then I won't be able to sleep...
I know I'm in a viscious circle of suffering, seemingly with no escape.
BeiYin: When I write to you now, then I really don't know if
I can tell you something what might make you feel better. This is difficult
and I know this from my own experience, because feeling that way there
is hardly anything one could say or somebody could tell us what makes any
difference. But I will try. Maybe I do it to remember myself what I know
but what seems to be forgotten when one is feeling down.
I remember now that about ten years ago I watched in TV a report about
a man here in Spain who was asking the authority for permission to be killed.
This man was laying in bed since several years and could only move his
head. Holding a pencil with his teeth he was writing poetry... He had a
beautiful room with a fantastic view over the landscape. He had a complete
equipment of music, video, etc. and was in contact with many people all
over the world. His family was taking care of him in a real loving way.
But he was tired of this kind of life and he wanted to escape by being
killed. He had no pain and his mental capacity was not reduced. - - - I
had written a long letter to him, trying to tell him something what could
make him see his situation in a different way, but this was not possible.
I received an answer from him, in which he defended his viewpoints in such
an ironic and arrogant way that there was nothing left to say. Half a year
later I read in a magazine that he had killed himself.
This was ten years ago and only several years later started my own
suffering with Fibro... I ensure you that I know exactly what it is to
feel sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. And I know also how easy
it is to get lost in one's suffering. But I have also experienced that
it is possible to go beyond all this and do something about it for a change.
Although every body tells that there is no cure... What I see as the most
stupid statement one can make, especially made by authorities. If there
isn't a cure then because medicine and science is so limited and ignorant
that they can't find the cause, their knowledge makes them blind. So I
even don't want to talk with these blind people anymore! Let them sit comfortable
on their pedestal and being worshipped by all those sick people depending
on them. I don't depend on them and with Fibromyalgia it is more easy because
they don't know any thing about it and only know how to prescribe pain
killer... That makes the first difficult step: Being totally alone in an
unknown field without any landmarks, references or sign boards.
Due to the possibilities we have through the Internet, this step is
maybe the easiest to overcome. But it needs quite some energy to go through
all the abundance of information. And this energy we don't have. So we
must be very selective how we use the little energy which is left. But
important is that we start to do something about it... When we feel a little
bit better we can go ahead. That's what we are doing, right?
I see this disease as a challenge and opportunity. Probably it is not
possible for every body to see it this way, but the few who can are asked
to do their best and take responsibility for themselves. This indeed is
the best what can happen. Of course this doesn't fit into the image of
a comfortable happy life. But let's be honest and have a near look: Who
is really happy? For sure not those people who are nearer to the goal then
others, those who have the power and the means to fulfill all their material
wishes. It is just easier for them to pretend to be happy, that's all.
In contrary, for those it is much more difficult to come even near to a
direction of real fulfillment, because there is no need to quest their
own situation. Those who are suffering, if they are not totally lost in
their misery, they are much nearer to something essential, because they
might question themselves and their situation.
Visiting a homeopathic med doctor.
BeiYin: Searching about a possible cause and ways to treat Fibromyalgia,
a friend suggested to talk with a doctor she was knowing and who might
be willing to give his advice in questions of cleansing I was just doing.
I didn't really feel like talking with any med doctor after having had
enough experience with several of them, but as I was insecure in the cleansing
process I was just undergoing in connection with various diets, so I agreed
to have an appointment with this doctor.
We went there on a late afternoon. Not so good for me because at this
time I was pretty exhausted, but looking forward to maybe getting some
information from somebody who knows more, gave me some energy.
My first impression was not the best looking at the professional smiling
mask of this doctor. He asked me about my problem and I described the many
symptoms I have with the so called Fibromyalgia' and I mentioned my bad
experiences with various med doctors and that I now was trying to find
out about it myself, treating myself with various cleansing, special diets,
massage, etc., but not with pain killers and chemical medicine.
He asked me about diseases I have had. When I told him that I had a
tuberculosis when I was 13 years old just after the second world war, then
this conversation happened:
Doctor: 'Aha, here we have the cause for your depressive constitution!
Do you have depressions?
Me: I have no depressions.
Doctor: 'This is what all people with depressions say. I saw that you
have depressions when you entered the room, your body posture tells it
very clear'.
Me: It might be that it looks like, but I am just very tired, this
is one of the symptoms...
Doctor: 'You are very resistant and you have build a wall around you
to defend yourself, I can give you some medication to clear your mind'.
Me: No, thank you, I don't want any chemical or whatever medicine,
there are other ways to clear my mind.
Doctor: 'What is this?'
Me: Meditation for example. - - -
The doctor didn't say anything, he was just laughing!!!
Maybe he was right: I was resistant. No wonder after many experiences
with med doctors and he seemed not to be different, putting me immediately
into a classification box. He didn't know that I am meditating since about
45 years and that this is probably the reason why I am not having depressions.
But laughing about my answer was too much and made me react. So I ask him
why he was laughing. No answer. I ask again. No answer. I got angry and
ask again, this time pretty strong. No answer but obviously he had understood
that he had made a mistake and he escaped by saying that he had understood
'medication' instead meditation and he said: 'Yes, yes, meditation can
be possible.'
But with this the conversation was finish. He gave me a prescription
for a lymph cleansing, some tablets and herbs I should take, etc. But I
guess this was just to justify the pretty high bill I had to pay then...
Well, what did I learn form this visit? Why I let my friend convince
me to go to this doctor? Was it because I am feeling pretty alone with
my intention to find out about my disease by myself? In my investigation
I found a lot of information, but it is so much that I will need years
to go through and probably I will never understand fully all of it. Now
I am more confused than ever before and I have many doubts what to do next.
So it is a logical step to look out for 'professional' help. Again this
failed. So I am back at myself. Shall I really trust my own intuition as
the only way to go ahead? It seems there is no better way. So I will do
what feels right even without knowing exactly about it all. Without doubt
this is a risk, but if I make a mistake I only can damage myself and the
worst thing what can happen is that I die. But I have trusted always my
intuition and this worked quite well, so there is a good chance that I
will 'healmyself' and as I am keeping track of this process, so my report
might help other people as well. I am very tired, but this thought gives
me some energy and the motivation to go on...
BeiYin
I just found the following story and I think it can be applicated as
well in our Fibro situation:
There was a man who used to
play with his young daughter every evening after work. One evening he was
tired and just wanted to sit down and read the newspaper. He found a picture
of the Earth globe in the newspaper and tore it into small pieces and,
giving the pieces to his daughter, he told her when she had put the puzzle
together they would play. He thought he would be able to relax for a while,
but his daughter was back in a very short time.
He asked her how she was able
to put the picture together so quickly. She said, “It was simple
- on the back was a picture of a man. I put the man together and the world
took care of itself.”
Is it possible to heal oneself? Or might this be the only way really
to be healed?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Comment: ...it has made me think.
BeiYin: What you say is that your system is reacting, causing
thoughts. But you are doing a step further by starting to act, a tiny step,
but maybe important because you are moving. Expressing yourself, informing
about your reaction. In a neutral way, without going into details. But
it indicates that you probably were reflecting about your viewpoints which
you were holding up until now and maybe you were questioning these. A good
beginning I would say. By questioning yourself there might start a kind
of chain reaction. Some feelings will be mixed with your thoughts, doubts
will arise, some fear might show up. This might cause that you suppress
the whole thing and go back to your daily roblems or it might happen that
you produce an angry reaction, then looking for an outlet and expressing
yourself by finding some points you can criticize and condemn, with this
going into the usual defense reactions. This depends on ow tired you are
of your old position and how strong the urge is to step out of this...
- - - - - - - - - - -
BeiYin: [...] if we want to find the cause, then we need to look much
more ahead
then just in front of our nose. We need to quest every thing...
InkyPinkie: You are still waiting that somebody gives you a more
stimulating comment than just a friendly clap on your back? You might need
to wait quite long, probably for a few generations...
I guess you know that people are depending on authority, that's their
history from the early days of human kind and this hasn't changed much
during centuries in spite of several revolutions. People are still dependent,
based on their immature unconscious background.
How can you expect that they quest themselves or even the authority
of the established system? People are part of the system, they are identified
with it. This gives them security. How can they quest this?
I think you are right by writing that the disease is a challenge and
the opportunity to enter into a healing process. Also I think you are right
by seeing diseases like Fibromyalgia and Arthritis (and probably Cancer,
Aids and other diseases as well) as a final opportunity and a call to step
out of the 'worn out dependency' of old behavior patterns. But you can
see that people are not ready for this, you are probably fifty years ahead
of your time. Apart of the problem that people are not prepared to think
and act in a creative way, you can see how much they cling on their old
way of thinking. They are defending their position with claws and teeth
and although they are suffering desperately they will not be open for something
unknown. We can see that people are so much identified with their diseases
and all the other 'properties' they have gained during their life time
and as a heritage from their forefathers, that they prefer to die instead
of letting go of it and allowing to enter into a state of being in which
they could experience totally new aspects of life. This is simply not possible.
They can't do the step passing the threshold of fear and uncertainty. But
out of the many millions of sick people with Arthritis and Fibromyalgia
there must be at least a few who can use the opportunity, who are 'sick
and tired' of the dependency, knowing anyway that all those chemical treatments
doesn't really heal, suppressing some symptoms for the moment but mostly
making it worse on the long run.
OK, maybe only a few of us, having suffered enough, can plant the seed
by expressing the thought that disease is not something negative which
happens as bad luck or destiny or a punishment, but is something positive
because it forces a process in which we need to step into a new attitude.
Yes, maybe this is all what we can do at the moment and of course the most
important is that we do the steps ourselves, because we are sick and we
want to be healed. But we know that nobody can do it for us, we have to
do it ourselves! That is the process. This is tough work, especially because
of the lack of energy. You wrote it before: Because of this it would be
so important that we put our energy together. If this is not possible,
then anyway we will go ahead. We have nothing to loose, except our life,
but at least we have made an individual step towards one's freedom and
this counts most and nobody ever can take it away from us!
(Remember the last scream of 'Braveheart' before his head was chopped
off:
"They can take my life, but not our freedom!")
- - - - - - - - - -
InkyPinkie: People are still dependent ...
Ramon: I changed doctors and healers many times during the last
thirty years. When Fibromyalgia was yet unknown they called the symptoms
'arthritis' and offered me Cortisone, now the last few years they called
it stress, lack of vitamins, or lately Fibromyalgia and they said the cause
might be in my head. I have given up on them, for sure I don't want to
depend on this kind of 'health system and view' which consist in treating
symptoms with chemicals, provided by the pharmaceutic industry who obviously
have no real interest in healing people but in the first place to sell
their dubious stuff, which often causes more negative side effects than
it suppresses, I can't call this 'healing'.
When the described medicine doesn't help anymore and the organs are
clogged or destroyed, then another branch of the so called health industry
starts and do their surgery, cutting off the damaged or changing it. No
thanks. I don't want to depend on this system, which obviously is based
on a materialistic world view. This is not my view and I don't want to
be a victim of it. About half a year I started to investigate and searched
the Internet about alternative ways to treat sickness and new ways to see
disease. There is a lot of information, too much it looks like and since
several months I am selecting. Nearly all what is offered also is connected
with the money aspect, this makes it very difficult for me to find out
about it, because I can't order all the different machines which cost often
several thousand Dollars. I had asked in ngs about it, but it seems impossible
to get an objective answer from somewhere. I have tried several things
and I can give a report about it. If other people would do the same then
we might be able to select without that each of us has to pass the same
experiences. We need reports from personally experiences and not second
hand information, which is repeated every where and so often that then
after a while it looks like real information but still is without any proof.
We would coordinate our search by making a plan what to do and what
to do next. With this we also could avoid methods, machines and products
which are fake. For several weeks I am also searching in news groups but
until now without finding anything concrete I can use, but this thread
now gives me the hope that it might be possible that a few people come
together. For sure not to create dependency, but to put our energy together
and share our experiences, then we would not needing to go each of us into
the same details and not needing to repeat the same mistakes. What can
we do next? Can we make a 'working plan'? Who wants to participate? My
energy is limited, but I can work for about one hour daily on this project.
- - - - - - -
Joaquin: The cause for Fibromyalgia can be some unhealed deep
rooted emotional wound, a treatment for this is called 'Emotional Freedom
Technique'. However, some other people believes that the Human Herpes Virus
6 (HHV-6) plays a key role not only in Fibromyalgia, but also in Multiple
Sclerosis, Chronic Fatigue /ME, Autism and other Illnesses. There is a
person who became invalid because of fibromyalgia. He developed a product
(a medicine) called 'Restaurat Ion' that he claims is the cure for fibromyalgia.
I believe him, and I am sure it works, not for everybody, but for some
people.
So it looks like there are as many kinds of fibromyalgia as people
with the illness.
BeiYin: Fibromyalgia is the label for a bunch of symptoms and
the cause of these symptoms in the first place for sure is not a emotional
wound. It is possible that a emotional reaction has triggered a first body
reaction, probably on a very subtle level, which then in a following chain
reaction has produced the 'Fibromyalgia reactions'. So it might be that
the 'Emotional Freedom Technique' is an effective and creative way to get
the healing process started. Please investigate about it and tell us the
result.
The same with the 'Restaurat Ion': Give us more detailed information.
More interesting are the reports of people who were healed by this remedy
than what people believe... We can't be sure of something as long we haven't
experienced it ourselves or at least have enough reports of people with
personal experiences.
- - - - - - -
Email exchange from 14.08.02:
BeiYin: The cause for disease not only lays on the body
level, it might be influenced by our attitude, our way how we express ourselves,
the way we defend ourselves or in how far we are open to influences, etc.
BeiYin*: The cause that those many symptoms show up now might
not lay just in one isolated reason. It is probably caused by the coming
together of various influences on different levels, accumulated in itself
and then triggering another symptom when overflowing and also swapping
onto another level. Did you really look on 'all' levels for understanding?
I guess there is still at least one level missing what then might give
the total overview which not yet is possible. That would be a level where
the different puzzles we found fit perfectly together and we can recognize
the whole picture. But I guess we are still in the phase were we try to
put the few pieces of the puzzles together. Some connections showing up
and out of this we can make some decisions, but probably we have still
quite some road to walk. From what you are writing it shows that you also
understand the whole happening as a 'growing process' and I believe this
is the most important and makes sense. So we can go forward and see the
creativity in it. This makes us strong.
BeiYin: ...with this disease there is also a change happening
which includes our personality. We are not the same we have been before
and as they know us. Somehow we feel totally alone and insecure. We have
probably lost our esteem, the ideas we had motivating us to go ahead, the
sense of our life has changed, the values have changed.
Comment: I feel alone with it all. How can anyone
really understand, and that includes doctors, what it is like living with
Fibromyalgia, unless they suffer from it themselves. I am alone with it.
I would so much love to have support.
BeiYin*: Yes, I believe this is very important. We need to accept
that we are alone and that we understand that this is a necessary step
out of dependency. From authority, parents, established attitudes and thinking,
etc. It is not just that people don't understand what it means and makes
to be in constant pain, the more significant is that they don't understand
that we are entering in a totally different world of our personality. Our
measurement of values has changed, we see ourselves and the world in a
different way. This people can't understand and if we talk about it then
easily they put us in the next category and call us crazy. This new state
of being different from 'healthy' people makes us feel alone and indeed
this is sometimes tough. Obviously there are only a very few people who
are ready for such a step, the most of the sick people go on suffering
just suppressing the symptoms and taking pain killer. It is sad to see
that they are missing the opportunity to step out of dependencies. There
seems no way to do something about it, they will not listen to anything
which is not confirming themselves, so they will stick on what they are
told by their doctors. But the very few who are tired of manipulation and
being kept in ignorance, should come together and support each other by
exchanging their experiences and ideas showing up during the search.
BeiYin: All these diseases, humanity is suffering from, might
be a chance to do a step into new fields of awareness. Forcing oneself
into taking responsibility for oneself, stepping out of dependency and
identification with worn out roles. These diseases might be a necessary
step within one's growing process which can't be gained without it's special
condition of suffering and being lost in an unknown field.
Comment: What made me think, there are others out there and I
can relate to their expression. I am not so alone with it all now. Sometimes
I give up the fight, but with what you wrote gave me the kick to "pull
my head out of the mud".
BeiYin*: The fact that you express yourself like this
gives me the necessary energy to go on writing. So you are confirming my
expectation that out there are other people who are suffering like me but
with the intention to do something about it and using it in a positive,
creative way. Now, just knowing that there is one person out there makes
me already feel that I am not alone! So if it would be possible that we
put our intention together and structure it somehow, then I believe our
search will be much more effective.
Comment: ...Some doctors think Fibromyalgia is the first symptoms
of something even worse. Like Lupus or MS. New symptoms are appearing gradually
over the months. Rashes, swelling in knees and ankle, kidney problems.
I will keep searching, growing and fighting. You do the same.
BeiYin*: Doctors are probably right in this. If in the chain
reactions of Fibromyalgia symptoms develop then more serious symptoms will
show up. About half a year ago a doctor gave me a few months that then
serious symptoms of MS would show up and would make me collapse totally.
I could stop the first serious symptoms showing up with a ozone treatment
with another doctor and it worked so well that I bought a ozone generator
and treated myself several times. Since then I am feeling much better but
also it became clear that these treatments are not enough to be healed
from Fibromyalgia. At least with the treatments I was able to clear up
my head and gain enough energy to start my investigation. I searched a
lot in the Internet and I am overwhelmed with all those information. Sometimes
I get stuck because it is just too much and I start to feel totally lost.
But then when I gain some energy I go on. That makes it very slow and that's
the reason why I tried those news groups, but after reading through several
thousand posts I gave up and better try it differently. So I have
started to design a new Web site and use it as a platform for the project
'healingoneself', where I will collect selected Information.
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