Adult Attention Deficit Disorder
Question: I was wondering if your site has any information about 'adult attention deficit disorder'. I'm a candidate for one of those new drugs they have out on the market for it, but of course, I refuse to take those kinds of chemicals which just cut some symptoms, but have side effects which on the long run make it even worse...
BeiYin: No, our site has no information about this. Better you don't take any of those drugs, I don't think this will really help, it is just suppressing the problem and then it might show up on another level where you need more chemicals, going into a spiral of suffering.
I didn't know that they put a name on this kind of problem. But I know what it is: I have suffered all my life from it.
I was mostly left alone even as a little baby, because my mother was working all day, I also was growing up without father, being alone nearly all the time or sometimes I had malicious baby sitters... I have been alone nearly all my life. And now?
Adult attention deficit disorder: The last days I felt pretty bad, the place is full of people, nobody ask me if I need something. My shoulders are hurting and I hardly can lift something, nobody ask me to carry some boxes of fire wood for me, etc. etc. Today somebody called me when they came back from the daily trip and told me that they brought a lot of clothing. So I went there and all the people had already selected armful of stuff for themselves, there were some woolen hand knitted socks left, three pairs and a lot of woolen very beautiful gloves. I said that I don't want anything else but that I will take the socks, because I have only one pair of thick woolen socks which I am wearing since two months. Then I was told that I can only have one pair, because the other people also are wanting them.
I through them back and left and I didn't feel that I wanted to go to have dinner with these people. Now I sit here with cold feet because my fire is out and it is really cold.
I am thinking about dropping the whole community intention. Probably this all is part of my 'attention deficit disorder'.

I am working since thirty years on this project, twenty years pretty alone, or just with paid workers, often I was working fifteen hours a day, sweating, suffering, without vacation for years, without diversion or entertainment. Then nearly being killed, being robbed and betrayed several times, etc.
Suffering since several years from Fibromyalgia as a result of years long stress and hard work and accidents caused by other people and then I am being told that I only can have one pair of socks!!! I am getting older, I have no health insurance, no social security, no savings... I don't care, I can live under a bridge, I can survive in any situation, but feel alone and I don't see that this will change. This sounds sad, but I have no depressions, but I am questioning the situation and my doing and ask myself if I want to live in a group of people but still feeling and being alone, then I better live alone... So far my deficit disorder...

So what I am expressing here comes out of my 'Adult attention deficit disorder' what means that it is subjective and colored because of this deficit, but that's how it feels to me and so this is real to me. Of course from outside it looks different and other people will see it differently.
So then let's see if we can find a creative solution... So that you can stop drinking and I can stop feeling alone! By the way: I ask myself: Who doesn't have this 'Adult attention deficit disorder'? When I look around then it seems to me that there are very few people without it.
If the intention of my writing would be that I get some attention to compensate my 'deficit disorder', then I must be very disappointed, because there were no comments at all. I'm wrong: There was one comment, telling me that I am negative and judging people. - I was always pretty convinced that life is not just a joke, but indeed sometimes I just feel like a joker, - maybe that's my way to survive in this not so funny daily reality...


FalconBlanco home health page  BeiYin's Poetry page  index Ask BeiYin  form for feedback & questions